Treatment 5! Oh, baby..Getting close...

After the shit show that happened last week I was so afraid my Chemo was going to be on hold. I was not going to let some blood loss take me off course and fuck up my QUEST!! I truly believe that having my family and friends helping was the key to me getting better. I ate right, and stayed off my feet as much as I could. Shiv would send me to bed once in a while telling me " you really don't know how to relax." So I took orders from her and went to bed. Didn't sleep, just read some books and lived in my thoughts. Good thoughts that needed to be addressed. Also took some time to draw on my Buddha Board. Love this little piece of heaven I bought..

It's so calming when I just get to draw and write anything on this board. The best part is whatever you do it disappears quickly so whatever thoughts you have are your own.

Monday, Jan 27th I went for my Doc appointment. Had more blood drawn. I was nervous and anxious to find out some much needed info. When  I got in the room, I had a Gyno/Oncologist come in. She was so wonderful and informed me of what might have happened last week and gave me some pills if this happens again. She said it might, and I may need a top up of blood these next two rounds, but you never know. Then my Oncologist came in explaining why he requested another doctor. You see, they don't have all the answers either. He knew this beautiful doc would give me a better idea of what was going on down there!! Women to Women who understand the beauty parts! ha.

Then the next question, can I get my Chemo? The answer, " yes you can Julie, your HGB counts are at 90. Still not high, but high enough for Chemo!" Yes, I was supper pumped. Still riding the  QUEST. A to Z with a few bumps in the road, but I have a plan and I'm not letting anything fuck it up!

I came home and was so excited. I know, funny how one gets excited to get the worst shit shot up with chemo. It makes you fat, sick, tired, anxious. It gives you tones of anxiety and it's just rotten, but to keep this ugly bitch out of my body this is the only way. BRING IT.  I got you!!! Oh, and bummed.. Forgot to ask about my GREEN CARD.. Top on the list to ask Doc.. Very soon!

Came home and saw a big package on my door step..Hmmmm, who is this from. Aw, it's from my beautiful friends Jaime. I was so excited to open it up. Here is what was in it!

Jaime added a few throwbacks too. I remember this day like yesterday. What great memories and great friend. All you beautiful women are in my life today helping me fight and keeping me strong. I want to recreate this pic!



I was so teary eyed when opening this gift. Unexpected. My sis Lori was beside me crying to. I have been so lucky to have such amazing people help me out and brighten my spirits. Jaime, you have been in my life for so many years and I couldn't be more proud then to call you friend. This package came at the perfect time. That Sehpora card will come in handy in buying myself eyelashes. Yes, everyone...Eyebrows and Eyelashes are almost gone.. It's so weird seeing yourself without them. I still have a few.. but........lol..

Jamers, You're the definition of friendship, kindness, respect, love and family. I love you so much and can't wait to plan our trip to Europe.. You my girl and always will be. Thank you friend for all your love and support!

Wed, Jan 29th had my 5th Chemo! I was so excited, cause I got to bring my Cuz Tina. Tina and I were very close. She is my cousin from my dads side. We hadn't seen each other for 15 years or more and couldn't find each other on FB. WE were reunited by our cousin, Darlene that happened to be friends with my momma on FB. She read my blog and befriended me and we started talking. Wow, I learnt a lot that day and one being My cousin Tina had Breast Cancer in 2011. I immediately got in contact with her and ever since then we haven't stopped chatting. Love her.

I was so honoured to bring her. She and I have so many memories from the past, when we were just so very young. I can't express enough how amazing it felt to have her with me. It's like we didn't even miss 15+ years of our life. We are definitely Gowings. We speak our mind and we do it loudly. Haha. We have shared so much and have lost in our lives. I lost dad and she lost her mom and dad. It was therapeutic to share our losses together. She got to hear all my silly stories and I got to hear hers. We both love wine and are looking forward in planning a camping trip with our families. It's only complete if Jods is there too, so go buy a camper Jods!!

Round 5 was interesting. I had a reaction to the drug. My lower back started hurting and it then moved into my hips and thighs. So immediately they stopped drug and gave me Benadryl. The pain went away, but I was afraid they wouldn't continue with the drug. Having  Nurse with me (Tina) only reassured me that they will continue once the Benadryl kicked in.. Tina was right! I finished treatment number 5! Woohoo!!!!

Well all...I have 1 more treatment to go and then I'm done! I have taken all I've gone through and have been reminded by the humanity and love we all have within ourselves. I have been reminded to not be afraid of the small things. I have been reminded to take nothing for granted. I have learned strengths I thought I never had. I learned how to love deeper and lastly, I learned from all of you.



My lovely Jods sent me these flowers. Always thinking of me..I just love you Jods..You're my everything. You make me so happy and when I'm supper sad ,fuck you can make me laugh.xo







Here are a few quotes I love and live by. I may get down, but I work my ass off to get back up and fight. I stand tall,  I surrender to some things ( for now) and I believe. I will not allow this to define me. I will not let CANCER win! You may push me around sometimes but I got you. I will always have you by the balls and squish you. They call me a boss ass bitch!!!haha..(right kenz)

I win!

I'm doing well friends. With all I've gone through I will not let me down. I will still cry and question, but I will never let Julie go. She is what makes me laugh and she is who keeps me real. She will stay!

Understanding the truth...and believing in tomorrow...

January 8, 2014 I did my 4th treatment. I was expecting a different reaction to the new chemo. I heard it was different for everyone, so I thought whatever comes with this one, I can handle it! I did well with the last 3. Just thought, keep the focus and don't fall victim to what you can't control. Surrender to it and kick its ass.

Brought Tim to Chemo number 4.

 

 

My face has retained some water, and my belly will not allow me to stop eating..What?? lol

The first couple of days I felt fine, on the 3rd day I started to have pain in my legs. I was informed by my Nurse and Oncologist that this can be one of the side effects of this chemo. As the day went on the pain in my muscles started to intensify then it would start to hurt my bones. I tried so hard to stretch the pain out, but was unsuccessful. I had my daughter message my legs many times that evening and in the days following.. Nice hot baths would work too, I had many!!

My day 3,4,5 were brutal. Walking was even difficult. Advil would subside the pain, so I could rest in the evenings. I started noticing my energy level going down. The fatigue I started feeling was all so new to me. In prior treatments I didn't have to many side effects. Yes, I was a bit tired and my day 3,4,5 were emotional and filled with anxiety but after those days I felt I could function and think on a human level.

My day 6 on the last chemo to this chemo was the same. Loved my day 6!!!! I was back to feeling normal and ready for the next round. Waiting 3 weeks for every round is hard, because you just want it over and done with. I want so badly to start phase 2 of my QUEST!

As the days moved on I felt more fatigued. I thought to myself, " I don't remember feeling this tired." Maybe it's because I have more meds in me and I also have my period. I have my period almost every time I go in. Then I thought, "Kind of unusual to have a period for all these days." I just went on with the days, but I found myself crying and getting depressed. I just didn't feel so well.

On my day 9 I was not feeling myself at all. I was extremely emotional again. You see I thought I had my days pinned. Days 3,4,5 is when my older sister, Lori, contacts me to see how I am. It's like clock work. She knows those are my bad days. I always call my mom on one of those days bawling. Why the fuck am I feeling so terrible on day 9? I was talking to my sister Jods at the time(attempting to finish my workout) when all of a sudden I felt out of breath, anxiety, stress, depression....defeated.....I felt defeated!

I went to the washroom, still talking to Jody and gasped. Instantly, she asked, " Jules, are you Ok?" I then said, " I don't know, I just passed a huge clot as big as my fist?!"( to all the people who are reading after this paragraph, It may get graphic. Thought I'd give you all a head up -cheers)

In total I think I passed 30 fist size clots in 2 days. I phoned my nurse and she had said it's normal.  I actually talked to 2 nurses and if I wasn't filling a pad, then not to be to alarmed. Hmmm, really? I just had 30 livers come out of me and I'm not to be alarmed.. OK????

In the days to follow I continued to bleed. I had less clots, but never stopped bleeding. The blood wasn't filling a pad, so I thought this must be a sign of early Menopause that they say I may start while going through chemo. So I never called my nurse. I just left what was happening to my body as mother nature calling, or a chemo thing?!

On Jan, 23rd I got my sister Lori at 11:40pm to come pick me up, and take me to Emergency. I was shaking so bad and felt my body was slowly shutting down. I knew my body was telling me something.

The girls watched may that night, and I was off to the hospital. Once there they rushed me in and put me in isolation. Cancer patients have to stay away from the public, for if immune system is low then we can catch infections very quickly..

Doc, Nurses and a lot of blood was taken. Results were in and White blood counts were good, but my HGB were as low as 55 and normal is 120-160.. I gasped, and was so thankful for my girls. They pushed me to come into Emergency. If I had waited another day things could have been way worse.. Love my girlies.. That morning I had a blood transfusion. Give blood people, it saves lives!

My sis Lori stayed with me all night. This is where she tried to sleep. We would both have little cat naps. Then wake up and make each other laugh with our loud FARTS.( I learnt my sister Lori can ROAR!!...lol) Here she was sleeping waiting for results. Never left my side and has been so much help. She is a selfless, beautiful soul and I love her to the moon and back.

Love you big sis, and thank you for keeping me safe!!

 

I was sent home at 4pm that day and was so very grateful I have such powerful women fighting for me. MY family!!

 

 That weekend, my Mackenzie was moving back to Fort Saskatchewan. I was sad to see her go, but also proud of her in making this decision. This was the first big decision she has made without any influence from me. I'm just such a happy mommy knowing she had the courage and strength to move and live life. Live life for her. Sad part for me, was I couldn't help her move in because of what happened. WE share a lovely good-bye and once she left the house, I cried life a baby. I miss her so much, but also so excited for her, and can't wait to hear about some of her adult adventures.

 

 

My beautiful Kenz stepping out in the world.

This is to all 3 of you amazing little ladies in my life. Always a breath away..

 

That same weekend I had my beautiful mom, and wonderful friend Shiv come take care of me. My Mom cooked us some nice, yummy food. Having your mom with you, on days like this, just brighten the day. Shiv rubbed my feet and legs while we stayed up way to late giggling and crying. I made the mistake in not taking my sleeping pill, so Shiv fell asleep before me..Ummm, that was a bad idea...She fucking snores...And loud.. I jumped out of bed, and slammed one of my sleep easy pills..Thank god! Haha

 

 

 

 

Mom, and Shiv helped me  out so much. We had a great visit. When I'm around my family and friends I feel alive. I feel Julie! I realised it because they help me forget I HAD cancer. I have learned so may things while riding this QUEST, and that is.....

 

- ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE, LOVE.....LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED

 

 

 

 

So I'm going to post a second blog tonight, so I'm up to day with chemo treatments. Stay tune and you can hear about my Number Fuckin 5!!!!!!!!!!!





Peace

babling..blah..blah..

 

 

Happy New Year everyone! This year my life is moving on accepting change and looking forward to what will make me stronger and more complete. I have learned to escape my mind on most days, but that little bitch likes to fuck with your head. Again.. I mean, ok, I HAD cancer so fuck off already?!?!

 It's worse than a man shouting, SHARON..SHARON.. aka Ozzy Osborne..( Ladies..replace your name with Sharon) Get my drift?!

 

I don't know why, but I can only tolerate so much. Like for instance, please don't pity me. I like talking about it, I even cry about it, but when I mention it. I don't want the poor me card. I Need to not be reminded that I'm sick. I remind myself every time I look in the mirror.( and man do I scare myself. I also might tear up or laugh out load) Really depends on the hormones.. Crazy days!!

 

 

 

 I have recently learned how to use my Cancer to my advantage. I read it in Kris Carr's book " Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips." She said to use it like a Credit card. Swipe it and see if you get approved. I've used it on little things, but nothing big yet. But I must be prepared for it to decline. It doesn't always work in your favor, but let's hope it works for Tim...

 

Tim was summoned to Juror Duty! LOL.. I know, I've never heard of anyone having to sit on a Juror before. I think it would be pretty interesting to be chosen for Juror Duty, but Tim has some work to do in Phoenix, so he did the swipe! Waiting to see if it worked. If not, stay safe and don't make eye contact with the accused. Muwahhhaa..

 

 

I'm enjoying this 12 step program. It has helped me learn a little more about myself and it has allowed me to see things differently. Number 2 can get difficult, but it's one of the most important steps in healing yourself and keeping "Julie's Quest" on track! A- Z baby!!

 

Got a few more goodies in the mail from friends,and I would like to share them with you all. It's extremely important I show my appreciation and gratitude. Thank you..

 

My Shivvy brought this when she came and stayed for the weekend. She also sent some yummy baked Christmas treats. Loves ya sweets!

 

 

Oh, and one of my super Warriors sent this beautiful necklace. Debbie, again, thank you for all your support. It's nice to know we are not alone. xo

 

Mrs. Jana. I know if we lived close you'd be helping me whenever I needed you. It saddens me to know that you feel helpless, but I know if I call you'll be here. The memories we share are priceless and ours.. loves you.

 

 

 

Well friends, it's time for bed. Round 4 of Chemo tomorrow.....Ewe!