3 down, 3 more to go....

My 3rd treatment was a hoot?!?! Not really, but can't complain. The Highlight of treatment days is getting to spend time with some of my favourite people. It's a place where time stands still...... It's a place where the stories never stop, and where the memories fill my heart.

Round 3: I brought my beautiful Jilly. Jill is one of my most dearest friends and I was so glad she came with me. As I  sat waiting for Jill, I had to stay strong. I'm an emotional person as is. I have a hard time seeing my loved ones hurting. As I watched Jilly walk in I could already tell she was crying, so I quickly walked away and talked about something off topic where the two of us started laughing out loud.

If you knew Jill, like I do, she doesn't cry like I cry. She has a strength that most of my friends have, and all of them can attest to calling me the "cry baby" of the group.haha Seeing her these last few months overwhelmed with emotions only expresses  how much we just adore each other. We lived our 20s together as single moms. We had no idea of time, money, or whatever else came with becoming an adult. All we knew, was living, loving and being the best we could be as parents?? haha. If  I could go back.. I would. Had no money, but lived so much life! Thankful everyday it was lived with you, my dear Jilly. xoxo

 

Throw back Christmas 2007!

 

My first 3 chemo treatments have been with my three amigos. The ones who I grew up with, who believed in me. Who stood beside me, and who always picked me up when I just wanted to stay down. I always have to make sure I show much gratitude to these amazing individuals, because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. We will forever be bonded. All the greatness these women have shown me, only gives me the strength to be strong. xoxoxo

 So treatments have been a world wind of events, or shall I say emotions. Some days I'm great, and some days I'm a mess. It people are coughing in the house and I start to get paranoid, I wear this?! I know, I've laughed at myself over this. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, everyday is a battle, and everyday I'm learning how to cope with understanding I HAD cancer. ;) I say HAD because I get to make the last decisions on how I'm going to feel at the end of the night. It's me who is in control of my recovery not the cancer.( who I like to call BITCH from time to time)

My body is starting to feel the effects of chemo. I get more tired throughout the day. My skin feels tight on certain days and I think my ass is growing? Come on ladies, I'm still a women and thinking of gaining weight is a wee bit scary. But, kicking( Whatever Cancer might be left) is my number 1 goal.

Do I ever feel defeated some days....hell no! I guess I've always had this inner strength to stand tall, as a solider, and fight. The tears I have are for the past, present and future. I have allowed myself to connect with many of my good, bad and ugly..haha. I will never let Cancer become me. I will surrender to it, for now, but it will never be my future. When you're a Cancer patient you don't want people feeling sorry for you. You want them to be the same with you and sadly not everyone can be that strong. I've learnt to be my honest self, and express exactly what I need. So to be a solider standing tall beside me you need to sing, dance, love, believe, and throw out to the universe positive energy. Remember our mind is a powerful tool.

This brings me to my husband, Tim. He has kept me up when some days I just wanted to fall. He's not your Moishe type. He's the solider you want! He stand tall beside me and doesn't allow any bullshit to affect my QUEST! Tim has had to deal with his own emotions, the girls and mine. He has continued to help me become a stronger person even when he's scared or sad. I couldn't be more thankful knowing I got "solider boy." haha. Love you..

Well, it's time I say good-bye to 2013 and a "FUCKING" Hello to 2014! Everyone near and far have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Throw back Christmas 2007! haha..Tim giving me a smile in a photo!!

 

Wish time stood still...Merry Christmas

 

 

 



Learning..

Everyday since learning I HAD breast cancer, I have taken some much needed time to reflect on my life. I have allowed myself to answer the questions that I feared. It has, thus far, been a huge learning curve, and This "Quest" of mine has brought me closer to understanding the beauty of ones inner self. I have seen things that tested every thought unspoken and I have a greater appreciation for the simple things in life.

Had another scare a few weeks ago. I only shared it with a few people for I didn't want to alarm to many of you, when really I didn't even know exactly what I was panicking about. You see, when I have to do these baseline tests to see if cancer has spread I go a bit to the dark side. It's very difficult when you're scheduled for a bone scan to only have to be told you need to go for an X-ray immediately after. You have no time to process anything- all that goes through your mind is, "fuck.. It's CANCER". 
This is where Tim comes into play with all this CANCER stuff. He's my to go to guy. He tells it as it is, and he is the man who gets all my results before I do. As hard as it is on him having to wait for that call, he does it for me! Thankfully the call he received was reassuring and informative.

 My Oncologist feels it's an old injury. We will do a follow up in 6 months. He said, " no need to biopsy that, for I know what cancer looks like, and also it didn't show up on x-rays."
I'm good with that information.. for now.

I'm on my "QUEST" in healing my mind, body and soul. I can only focus on cleaning my body up the best ways possible and one of those ways is working hard in clearing my mind. The mind is a powerful weapon, and I want it working for me not against me.

 

So this comes to my next topic of interest and that is how blessed I am to have the wonderful people in my life. I have been learning interesting ways to cope, and feel free during this QUEST. I have always wanted to touch base more into the spiritual part of my inner self. My girl friend Melanie and I would have many, many conversations about religion, beliefs, spiritual healing. You name it, we talked about it. The two of us have always had this inner interest in holistic healing and talked hours on what power the mind has.  It is the free spirits in us both that allow us to feel comfortable to speak freely without any judgement..

 

Melanie has always giving me tips and constantly reminded me of my inner strength when at times I questioned it. I call her my little guru. She knows what to say to heal the mind and to use my inner self to control the situation. A few days after my second round of Chemo I got a lovely package in the mail. It was full of goodies. Her gifts are thought out, and have much meaning. Love this about my Guru, she know me inside and out. She takes her time with finding the perfect healing measures to keep my spirits up in the way we would share it. I'm so blessed I have her to share this inner side of me with, and I'm glad she feels safe with sharing her inner thoughts with me. She is a true gem.xo

 

Here is my gift from my beautiful Guru. Some prayer beads she made me, as well as some of my favorite things. She bought me this Chakra book in which I'm finding very interesting and feeling the healing within. I just want to mention, this isn't for everyone, and I'm not saying go holistic on my ass and become the next Guru.This isn't for everyone and that's fine. I'm just wanting to share a little about me and my world and what brings me peace. Love you Melly!

 

Evening Snack

 

Raspberries, green or mint tea

 

Aromatherapy for the body, soul and mind

 

Chakra healing

 

 

I

 A women who speaks to us all!

 

Here are two other awesome reads. Kris Carr is such an inspiration and any Kick ass Cancer patient should read her stuff. I felt empowered reading her book, and will continue to support her.
Kitchen Cures should be in your hands. So many great tips, ideas, methods. My big sis Lori got this book for me and I love it!

Well folks, it's time for bed. I have my 3rd round of Chemo tomorrow. Yippy! I will let you all know how that goes before the holidays begin. Also I need to thank a few ladies that came to visit me a couple weekends ago.. Oh, and I also got another little treat in the mail.. I will post in next couple days. Geez, now that  I think about it.. I have a few other things to post..Ok. Night, night.

Much love,

Jules

Quote of the day...

 
 
 



Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation.

- unknown

Round 2...

This round I brought my Ninja Krista or shall I say, she brought me. Krista  has been my beautiful, inspiring best friend for 20 years. She has been standing tall beside me from the beginning. She has shown her Ninja self from time to time in the years, and we have always had each other's back... A lot of the "I'll save yours," was shits and giggles from getting punched by a pimp. Not so funny then, but today the story gets better and better. To speaking on behalf of my sisters and I at my dad's celebration of life, to walking every journey beside me... Never in front, never behind, always side by side.

In our lives we always knew we had each other. Thank you for taking off work to be with me Yesterday. Having you there meant so much, and I know you'd do it again. It was nice of you to pick me up Monday night for a sleepover, and I had a great time seeing the girls and chilling with my boy, Jeff.  He always know how to make me laugh!

 

I was a bit teary eyes when I first got in there. I think I always will.. It's an overwhelming feeling in so many ways. I kind of know the drill, but some fear comes over me, is it going to burn this time going in? will it work. But mostly I feel for the one sitting beside me. I love everyone around me, so I know they are hurting for me. I just seem to do all the crying for us. lol...Krista is really one of the strongest people I know, and instantly can make you laugh. She helped me forget where I was and we just allowed ourselves to enjoy each other.. I love her for that...Her presence touches souls..

Here she is sharing her hair. Which gave us an idea. Let's go wig shopping!! I think it's time I get some hair. The 3 hrs felt like minutes when you're surrounded by positive energy. It was funny, Jody would text in a lot saying " I can't do this, I'm not doing this again. I have to be at every chemo treatment." Jody you're so cute. Having you there would have been more shits and giggles. xo

 

This is the one I bought for myself. I put it on and looked at Krista with big smiles. I could tell she was happy just seeing me smile big. She's like "a girl needs hair to play around with, and that's the one!" But as I was trying on more, I felt like myself more than I have since finding out I HAD breast cancer. Krista could feel the joy and I could see it in her smile so guess what she did next.........Look below at pic!!

 

 

This is the wig my beautiful Krista bought for me. Without any hesitation she said, "You look so happy and I want you to feel beautiful and sexy!" These wigs are not cheap, for Krista to think of me and do something so wonderful, and on many occasions that day, I cried with joy in my heart. I love you Krista, and thank you for the beauty you share and the strength you give to others. Your heart is so big, and I'm glad I'm in it!

 

 

 

 

Now seeing that I'm grateful for all the love that has come my way, I want to do my gratitude list. I want all my loved ones I'm extremely grateful for all you have done.

 

Brenda, thank your for all the wonderful meals you have brought over every day 1 of chemo... I'm blessed just knowing you and your beautiful spirit.

 

Angela, thank you for our Sunday meals. I just love you!

 

Jody, You know what you do for me... and that's mostly everything. Love you so much..

 

Mel, Your page is coming..my beautiful Guru. Also was so happy to hear the good new today. xo

 

Shiv, Hope to see you this weekend.. Miss you.

 

My surthrivers, I love you all very much. You know who you are.

 

To all the wonderful friends who have texted me and that I miss dearly from the Fort. Thank you for walking this "Quest" with me.

 

Angela from the fort. You keep me BRAVE. So glad I have you to chat with..

 

Jilly, taking Mayson this weekend, not only helps me out but will give her a weekend of fun with her cousins!!! love you!

 

Timmy...Thank you for putting up with me. You're the one who sees the most of my ups and downs. I'm positive I'm driving you nuts... but... too bad!!  Love you.

 

Shelly, Lori.... You guys are great big sisters. I appreciate all you have done for me. From goodies, to slippers and grocery shops to getting me all I needed to feel comfortable. love you both.

 

And now to my MOMMY, Having you here a few weekends ago was so amazing. I learned from you that weekend, and I thought you taught me all I knew already. You showed me patience. How my girls just love you, and how patient you are with them only reminds me why they love you so much. I was so amazed and I forgot you had that amazing talent.  My babies, your grand daughter, adore you Mom. You are their GMA, and my amazing mother. Hurry back.. Love you so much.

 

My babies, thank you for all you have helped with, and thank you for continuing to keep this house feel the same.. (argue with me everyday. keeps the normal in our lives.) it allows me to forget about my cancer and want to kick your asses....Hahahahahahahaha. I love you girlies so much and I wouldn't want my life to be normal. I like all the crazy that's in it!

 

 

Now I thought I'd do a throw back pic. Enjoy and all have a great night. Be grateful for everyday. They can be scary days, teary days, happy days, or pissed off days. Just find some time in that day to feel blessed with what you have and what you have accomplished. Good night friends.

 

 

 

 One of my fondest memories. I time we grew and a place we loved. We have to re-created this pic!

 

 Something I do often. I love to remember what great memories I have had throughout the years...

 

 

 

 

When Julie needs a good laugh................

This pic here, is all I need to get me through a bad day. Thanks Shiv for allowing me to capture this pic on your camera. lmao... I hope all of you enjoy, and when in a horrible mood.. Think of my Niece and Nephew.

Feelings...

I can say that it still feels surreal. Looking at myself in the mirror everyday, is a huge reminder that "you have cancer girl." When Jody shaved my head I thought the feeling of losing my hair was dealt with. Taking control of what was inevitable was my plan. I was taking action. Sadly, the pain of losing what was left of my hair has put me through a few tears. I keep reminding myself, just because you cry doesn't mean your weak. It means you're human. It means exactly what you wanted it to mean. I'm a women battling cancer. I'm a women with tears of strength, and I'm a women who takes every moment in, feels it, surrenders to it and then, lets it go.

My sister Shelly called me one day and said, " Jules, in your darkest moments, you picked yourself  up off that floor. You took control and moved." I don't go back to those days, for I couldn't even explain the fear that consumed me. I can say this though, I'm not going to let some word "Cancer" define me! Cancer is only a word of fear, and I choose to not let it scare me, I choose to embrace "Julie's Quest" and help someone else find there inner peace.

 

The past couple weeks, I got the pleasure in taking Mackenzie's grad dress shopping. She found the most beautiful dress. We had a beautiful day, and surprisingly I kept the tears in. On a side note....we were both offered jobs at BCBG. Ha Ha.

 

Everyday has been a blessing and I was surprised with the energy I did have on my good days. Sunday we will all set up the tree and enjoy each other..lol..Probably run into a few arguments, but that's our home. A bunch of opinionated ladies..haha.. (As for Tim.... He'll just go grab a Kokanee..)

 

Most of my days before Cancer, I was happy. I laughed lots, and during the days following cancer, I have enjoyed life and laughed more.. If that is even possible?! Like I said before, " I have cancer, cancer doesn't have me... Well, it took my f--king hair..lol.. Do I still have the tears, of course I do. I think tears and giggles are good for the soul. I've never tried to hide the person I am, so I'm not going to start now. I'm grateful today, and I'm lucky to have the amazing family(s) that I do. I'm darn lucky I have my senoritas.

November 25th I go for blood work, and if my blood counts are good, Chemo November 26th. I do still get anxiety knowing I have to put all those meds in my body, but I soon remind myself it's helping me get better. It's my insurance to a healthier, stronger Julie!!

loves to all of you, and keep smiling!

 

Days after treatment...

To all who have asked how my first treatment went?  I'm on day 6 and with just a few side effects, I've been doing AWESOME. It's still weird looking at myself without hair. LOL.. Most times I giggle at myself and sometimes I have a little tear. It's just so surreal still. Everyday, I get stronger and learn something new about myself. Sometimes facing the fears and the unknowns can be overwhelming but that's life, right? We sometimes fall and get up, we sometimes fail, and get up. It's a reminder that WE can learn and grow with each experience we have.

I HAVE CANCER, CANCER DOESN'T HAVE ME!

A place I go to walk with my sister Lori. I  look forward to to these walks. Helps my nerves..

Fish Creek Park in the summer, such a beautiful place to go and just be.. Me, myself and I.

I will continue smiling and laughing hard. In life it's what we do to better our days. We can sit or we can continue on moving. Some of my days will be challenging, but I will make sure I do it with a smile! xo

So touching

Thank you to everyone. I have many people to thank for helping me through this difficult time. Kristi, Debbie, Cindy, Maria who are living proof of kicking cancers ass, without you guys helping me through this crazy, Mind fuck of a time I'd be lost. You guys took some of the darkness away. Angela, thank you for all your love and support. It shows much strength, courage and love to help me with my Quest while you're battling your own. You have been my eyes when I couldn't look any further. I'm proud of you Ang!  I'm looking forward to having drinks with all you lovely ladies. To my beautiful daughters from the fort, you all know who you are, I love you guys and miss your loud ass, dancing, crazy personalities in my house.

To MY beautiful daughters. I love you guys so much and couldn't be more proud of you all. I will forever be in your corner.

My daughters Madison and Mayson and Madison's friends (Aspen) did up these shirts and ran. Ironically it was the same day of my surgery. I was so moved.

Here is one of my Ninjas.

Here is Kristi sporting some fighting power for herself, me and other women. So Proud.

And here are my Ash, Syd and Nicole running for the cure, running for there future.

I am so grateful and can't evn express.

 Love you!

To all the beautiful people in my life...

I want to share some of the amazing things that my family and friends were so kind to do for me. I'm so blessed to have these people in my world. I can't express enough how grateful I am to have each and everyone of you in my life. A lot of my friends throughout this Quest have send flowers, bought me little gifts, and have cooked wonderful meals to show there support, so thank you. Xo

I had this tattoo picked out for me a good few months ago. Those two words spoke so many words to me, but now they sing. I can only be so grateful for the life I choose and looking forward to the life I want!

My Sis Jods gave me this card with a beautiful Necklace that I will post under this. I can't express enough how fucking lucky I am to have her walk this Quest with me. She has been my rock and my voice. Thank you my dear Sis for making this walk easier every step of the way.

It is an angel wing. It came with two, but I gave her the other to wear, so we feel connected when she's not right beside me. It's a twin thing. Some can handle it and some question it, but we are the ones loving it and couldn't be more lucky than to have each other.

My Girlfriend Siobhan requested  I receive this handmade quilt donated by Victoria Quilts Canada. I was so moved by this gesture, and a wonderful women came to my door and delivered it personally. She said " this quilt will keep you warm while your in treatments, and the ladies who made this quilt made it by loving hands to give you warmth and comfort." I broke down and cried, for I thought it was a beautiful thing for my friend to do but a great foundation to help all with cancer.

www.victoriasquiltscanada.com.  There is also an American website, just not sure of it.

Here are some of the beautiful flowers I received from so many.  I couldn't put all the arrangements up, but please know I'm thankful for all who sent some and they made my house look fresh and vibrant. It was great to have such beauty in my house for those days of sadness. xoxoxoxo

Here are some angels that Patricia and Donna gave me to keep me safe while I embark on this quest. I also got this beautiful Necklace from a friend, Kayln. It was such a great surprise to receive this in the mail. Thanks ladies for the love and support.

Haircuts.

This was written by my one of my daughters friends Miranda. She is such a blessing in my life.

Jody did my first cut! It was teary. My youngest had a hard time with it. But we all got through it.

End result. Wasn't bad. We cut a good few inches off, but I embraced the change.

Second Haircut! Went a lot shorter.

This day, I was just playing around with what hair I knew was almost going to go. I tried to enjoy as much as I could with the hairdos. Ha..