3 down, 3 more to go....

My 3rd treatment was a hoot?!?! Not really, but can't complain. The Highlight of treatment days is getting to spend time with some of my favourite people. It's a place where time stands still...... It's a place where the stories never stop, and where the memories fill my heart.

Round 3: I brought my beautiful Jilly. Jill is one of my most dearest friends and I was so glad she came with me. As I  sat waiting for Jill, I had to stay strong. I'm an emotional person as is. I have a hard time seeing my loved ones hurting. As I watched Jilly walk in I could already tell she was crying, so I quickly walked away and talked about something off topic where the two of us started laughing out loud.

If you knew Jill, like I do, she doesn't cry like I cry. She has a strength that most of my friends have, and all of them can attest to calling me the "cry baby" of the group.haha Seeing her these last few months overwhelmed with emotions only expresses  how much we just adore each other. We lived our 20s together as single moms. We had no idea of time, money, or whatever else came with becoming an adult. All we knew, was living, loving and being the best we could be as parents?? haha. If  I could go back.. I would. Had no money, but lived so much life! Thankful everyday it was lived with you, my dear Jilly. xoxo

 

Throw back Christmas 2007!

 

My first 3 chemo treatments have been with my three amigos. The ones who I grew up with, who believed in me. Who stood beside me, and who always picked me up when I just wanted to stay down. I always have to make sure I show much gratitude to these amazing individuals, because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. We will forever be bonded. All the greatness these women have shown me, only gives me the strength to be strong. xoxoxo

 So treatments have been a world wind of events, or shall I say emotions. Some days I'm great, and some days I'm a mess. It people are coughing in the house and I start to get paranoid, I wear this?! I know, I've laughed at myself over this. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, everyday is a battle, and everyday I'm learning how to cope with understanding I HAD cancer. ;) I say HAD because I get to make the last decisions on how I'm going to feel at the end of the night. It's me who is in control of my recovery not the cancer.( who I like to call BITCH from time to time)

My body is starting to feel the effects of chemo. I get more tired throughout the day. My skin feels tight on certain days and I think my ass is growing? Come on ladies, I'm still a women and thinking of gaining weight is a wee bit scary. But, kicking( Whatever Cancer might be left) is my number 1 goal.

Do I ever feel defeated some days....hell no! I guess I've always had this inner strength to stand tall, as a solider, and fight. The tears I have are for the past, present and future. I have allowed myself to connect with many of my good, bad and ugly..haha. I will never let Cancer become me. I will surrender to it, for now, but it will never be my future. When you're a Cancer patient you don't want people feeling sorry for you. You want them to be the same with you and sadly not everyone can be that strong. I've learnt to be my honest self, and express exactly what I need. So to be a solider standing tall beside me you need to sing, dance, love, believe, and throw out to the universe positive energy. Remember our mind is a powerful tool.

This brings me to my husband, Tim. He has kept me up when some days I just wanted to fall. He's not your Moishe type. He's the solider you want! He stand tall beside me and doesn't allow any bullshit to affect my QUEST! Tim has had to deal with his own emotions, the girls and mine. He has continued to help me become a stronger person even when he's scared or sad. I couldn't be more thankful knowing I got "solider boy." haha. Love you..

Well, it's time I say good-bye to 2013 and a "FUCKING" Hello to 2014! Everyone near and far have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Throw back Christmas 2007! haha..Tim giving me a smile in a photo!!

 

Wish time stood still...Merry Christmas

 

 

 



Learning..

Everyday since learning I HAD breast cancer, I have taken some much needed time to reflect on my life. I have allowed myself to answer the questions that I feared. It has, thus far, been a huge learning curve, and This "Quest" of mine has brought me closer to understanding the beauty of ones inner self. I have seen things that tested every thought unspoken and I have a greater appreciation for the simple things in life.

Had another scare a few weeks ago. I only shared it with a few people for I didn't want to alarm to many of you, when really I didn't even know exactly what I was panicking about. You see, when I have to do these baseline tests to see if cancer has spread I go a bit to the dark side. It's very difficult when you're scheduled for a bone scan to only have to be told you need to go for an X-ray immediately after. You have no time to process anything- all that goes through your mind is, "fuck.. It's CANCER". 
This is where Tim comes into play with all this CANCER stuff. He's my to go to guy. He tells it as it is, and he is the man who gets all my results before I do. As hard as it is on him having to wait for that call, he does it for me! Thankfully the call he received was reassuring and informative.

 My Oncologist feels it's an old injury. We will do a follow up in 6 months. He said, " no need to biopsy that, for I know what cancer looks like, and also it didn't show up on x-rays."
I'm good with that information.. for now.

I'm on my "QUEST" in healing my mind, body and soul. I can only focus on cleaning my body up the best ways possible and one of those ways is working hard in clearing my mind. The mind is a powerful weapon, and I want it working for me not against me.

 

So this comes to my next topic of interest and that is how blessed I am to have the wonderful people in my life. I have been learning interesting ways to cope, and feel free during this QUEST. I have always wanted to touch base more into the spiritual part of my inner self. My girl friend Melanie and I would have many, many conversations about religion, beliefs, spiritual healing. You name it, we talked about it. The two of us have always had this inner interest in holistic healing and talked hours on what power the mind has.  It is the free spirits in us both that allow us to feel comfortable to speak freely without any judgement..

 

Melanie has always giving me tips and constantly reminded me of my inner strength when at times I questioned it. I call her my little guru. She knows what to say to heal the mind and to use my inner self to control the situation. A few days after my second round of Chemo I got a lovely package in the mail. It was full of goodies. Her gifts are thought out, and have much meaning. Love this about my Guru, she know me inside and out. She takes her time with finding the perfect healing measures to keep my spirits up in the way we would share it. I'm so blessed I have her to share this inner side of me with, and I'm glad she feels safe with sharing her inner thoughts with me. She is a true gem.xo

 

Here is my gift from my beautiful Guru. Some prayer beads she made me, as well as some of my favorite things. She bought me this Chakra book in which I'm finding very interesting and feeling the healing within. I just want to mention, this isn't for everyone, and I'm not saying go holistic on my ass and become the next Guru.This isn't for everyone and that's fine. I'm just wanting to share a little about me and my world and what brings me peace. Love you Melly!

 

Evening Snack

 

Raspberries, green or mint tea

 

Aromatherapy for the body, soul and mind

 

Chakra healing

 

 

I

 A women who speaks to us all!

 

Here are two other awesome reads. Kris Carr is such an inspiration and any Kick ass Cancer patient should read her stuff. I felt empowered reading her book, and will continue to support her.
Kitchen Cures should be in your hands. So many great tips, ideas, methods. My big sis Lori got this book for me and I love it!

Well folks, it's time for bed. I have my 3rd round of Chemo tomorrow. Yippy! I will let you all know how that goes before the holidays begin. Also I need to thank a few ladies that came to visit me a couple weekends ago.. Oh, and I also got another little treat in the mail.. I will post in next couple days. Geez, now that  I think about it.. I have a few other things to post..Ok. Night, night.

Much love,

Jules

Quote of the day...

 
 
 



Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation.

- unknown