Treatment 5! Oh, baby..Getting close...

After the shit show that happened last week I was so afraid my Chemo was going to be on hold. I was not going to let some blood loss take me off course and fuck up my QUEST!! I truly believe that having my family and friends helping was the key to me getting better. I ate right, and stayed off my feet as much as I could. Shiv would send me to bed once in a while telling me " you really don't know how to relax." So I took orders from her and went to bed. Didn't sleep, just read some books and lived in my thoughts. Good thoughts that needed to be addressed. Also took some time to draw on my Buddha Board. Love this little piece of heaven I bought..

It's so calming when I just get to draw and write anything on this board. The best part is whatever you do it disappears quickly so whatever thoughts you have are your own.

Monday, Jan 27th I went for my Doc appointment. Had more blood drawn. I was nervous and anxious to find out some much needed info. When  I got in the room, I had a Gyno/Oncologist come in. She was so wonderful and informed me of what might have happened last week and gave me some pills if this happens again. She said it might, and I may need a top up of blood these next two rounds, but you never know. Then my Oncologist came in explaining why he requested another doctor. You see, they don't have all the answers either. He knew this beautiful doc would give me a better idea of what was going on down there!! Women to Women who understand the beauty parts! ha.

Then the next question, can I get my Chemo? The answer, " yes you can Julie, your HGB counts are at 90. Still not high, but high enough for Chemo!" Yes, I was supper pumped. Still riding the  QUEST. A to Z with a few bumps in the road, but I have a plan and I'm not letting anything fuck it up!

I came home and was so excited. I know, funny how one gets excited to get the worst shit shot up with chemo. It makes you fat, sick, tired, anxious. It gives you tones of anxiety and it's just rotten, but to keep this ugly bitch out of my body this is the only way. BRING IT.  I got you!!! Oh, and bummed.. Forgot to ask about my GREEN CARD.. Top on the list to ask Doc.. Very soon!

Came home and saw a big package on my door step..Hmmmm, who is this from. Aw, it's from my beautiful friends Jaime. I was so excited to open it up. Here is what was in it!

Jaime added a few throwbacks too. I remember this day like yesterday. What great memories and great friend. All you beautiful women are in my life today helping me fight and keeping me strong. I want to recreate this pic!



I was so teary eyed when opening this gift. Unexpected. My sis Lori was beside me crying to. I have been so lucky to have such amazing people help me out and brighten my spirits. Jaime, you have been in my life for so many years and I couldn't be more proud then to call you friend. This package came at the perfect time. That Sehpora card will come in handy in buying myself eyelashes. Yes, everyone...Eyebrows and Eyelashes are almost gone.. It's so weird seeing yourself without them. I still have a few.. but........lol..

Jamers, You're the definition of friendship, kindness, respect, love and family. I love you so much and can't wait to plan our trip to Europe.. You my girl and always will be. Thank you friend for all your love and support!

Wed, Jan 29th had my 5th Chemo! I was so excited, cause I got to bring my Cuz Tina. Tina and I were very close. She is my cousin from my dads side. We hadn't seen each other for 15 years or more and couldn't find each other on FB. WE were reunited by our cousin, Darlene that happened to be friends with my momma on FB. She read my blog and befriended me and we started talking. Wow, I learnt a lot that day and one being My cousin Tina had Breast Cancer in 2011. I immediately got in contact with her and ever since then we haven't stopped chatting. Love her.

I was so honoured to bring her. She and I have so many memories from the past, when we were just so very young. I can't express enough how amazing it felt to have her with me. It's like we didn't even miss 15+ years of our life. We are definitely Gowings. We speak our mind and we do it loudly. Haha. We have shared so much and have lost in our lives. I lost dad and she lost her mom and dad. It was therapeutic to share our losses together. She got to hear all my silly stories and I got to hear hers. We both love wine and are looking forward in planning a camping trip with our families. It's only complete if Jods is there too, so go buy a camper Jods!!

Round 5 was interesting. I had a reaction to the drug. My lower back started hurting and it then moved into my hips and thighs. So immediately they stopped drug and gave me Benadryl. The pain went away, but I was afraid they wouldn't continue with the drug. Having  Nurse with me (Tina) only reassured me that they will continue once the Benadryl kicked in.. Tina was right! I finished treatment number 5! Woohoo!!!!

Well all...I have 1 more treatment to go and then I'm done! I have taken all I've gone through and have been reminded by the humanity and love we all have within ourselves. I have been reminded to not be afraid of the small things. I have been reminded to take nothing for granted. I have learned strengths I thought I never had. I learned how to love deeper and lastly, I learned from all of you.



My lovely Jods sent me these flowers. Always thinking of me..I just love you Jods..You're my everything. You make me so happy and when I'm supper sad ,fuck you can make me laugh.xo







Here are a few quotes I love and live by. I may get down, but I work my ass off to get back up and fight. I stand tall,  I surrender to some things ( for now) and I believe. I will not allow this to define me. I will not let CANCER win! You may push me around sometimes but I got you. I will always have you by the balls and squish you. They call me a boss ass bitch!!!haha..(right kenz)

I win!

I'm doing well friends. With all I've gone through I will not let me down. I will still cry and question, but I will never let Julie go. She is what makes me laugh and she is who keeps me real. She will stay!

Weathering the storm

I came back from Osoyoos, BC and got on the phone immediately and called to have a mammogram. They booked my in for Aug. 7. I didn't have long to wait for this appointment, but it felt like forever. I hadn't known I had cancer, but what I felt in my left breast did not feel normal. On the day of the appointment I was feeling pretty confident that everything was going to be ok.

I arrived at the clinic and there I was squishing my breast in this machine. I knew what to expect because I have done them before. Women always wonder if it hurts and I tell them, no it doesn't hurt at all. The tech had finished her screening and then came up to me oh so jolly saying I think you need to go for an ultrasound. Looking over my papers again she said, "oh, one is already scheduled for you." I was a little alarmed, seeing that the tech was sending me for an ultrasound not even knowing one was set up for me. In the past I've always done both. By this point my mind was racing. I'm starting to think that what I felt in Osoyoos was....Breast Cancer??

I got myself all prepared for the ultrasound. The Technician took many pictures. I felt like I was in there for hours. She then took many pictures under my armpit. I knew this was normal, so I didn't panic. Once she was done, she told me to wait while she asked another technician to give a second opinion on what she found.

It didn't take long for the second technician to look at my pictures and say they needed to see me in a day or two. What? All I could was cry. Everything I was fearing was becoming a reality and I hadn't even been diagnosed. As I walked out of that room I felt this uneasy feeling come over me and sobbed in the change room. A few minutes later I got myself together and went to the front desk to set up my appointment for a biopsy. To my surprise they couldn't get me in till August 19th. I had to wait 12 days to find out what that was in my breast, but deep down I already knew.

My family and I went camping to pass the time with some of the most wonderful people I know. For the most part, I enjoyed myself and tried not to think about what was possibly growing in my breast. I could shut it off, but there were some days I went through panic attacks. My sweet sister-in-law, Jilly would have to calm me down. When I look back at that trip, I now realize how enjoyable it was. We allowed ourselves to just be in the moment. I had many giggles with my brother-in-law Denis and great chillin' time with BK and TK. The kids were playing, swimming, kayaking.  A lot of memories were made this summer in Wasa.

My Story

I was sitting in my twins backyard wondering, "what are we going to do this summer?" In the past we always headed to Osoyoos, BC where my parents bought a house. It was a retirement home for the two of them to enjoy and finally put themselves first. After raising 4 daughter of their own, mom and dad were ready to be empty nesters and live in beautiful British Columbia. Sadly for my father, it was short lived. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 Esophageal Cancer. We were all devastated. My father lived a year after diagnosis. He passed away January 4th 2004.  My mom decided to keep the house and since then, we have enjoyed many summer holidays in Osoyoos.

This past summer, my twin sis Jods and I decided we weren't going to head to Osoyoos. Considering  we go every year, we thought we might try something different.

What were we going to do?

We pondered and both looked at each other and said " why wouldn't we go to Osoyoos, we love it there." So it was final, we were planning another beautiful trip to Osoyoos, BC.

We finally arrived and were so excited because this time instead of staying at my Mom's place the whole time we made reservations to stay in Jody and Ken's Condo. It was a beautiful time with amazing weather.

We all loved our time together. Every day/evening we would head down to my mom's for a few cocktails and share our stories. I'm not sure what the conversations were about, probably health and living a life fulfilled instead of living it with the cup half empty when I discovered a lump in my breast. I kept feeling it for it didn't feel normal. Shortly after that I got my sister, Jody, to come feel it. She gave me this funny look and said, "um, I'd get that checked." When my mom felt it she said, "oh, it's probably nothing but I'd go check it out." After feeling it a bit I never gave it much thought. I figured once I'm home I'd deal with it then.

The night before Jody and I left to go back home we were both uneasy about something. Our sleep that night felt like no sleep at all. The "things" I was dreaming about kept me up all night. I noticed Jody tossing and turning as well. I didn't want to wake her, but a few times she was screaming in her sleep. I left her alone and tried my hardest to get some rest. Morning came and we were off, back to awesome Alberta. About 3 hours into our drive I looked at Jods and said I needed to talk to her about a dream I had. She looked at me with a strange look and said she also had odd dreams that night. I started off by telling her of the faces I was seeing. They were native people screaming at me, but I could hear them. There faces so close to mine screaming words, but nothing was coming out. Jods, looked at me with wide eyes and said, "that was my dream too Jules!"

The reason I'm telling you all this, is because this was the beginning of what will be the biggest and most challenging year of my life. I wouldn't know it then, but as I go further on in my story I realize I'm going to have to get ready for battle.