Last Chemo and off to the second phase...

It has been a few weeks since writing. Sorry for the hold up friends, I just felt I needed to wrap my head around what I have gone through thus far. I had my last treatment Feb 19, 2014!! I was nervous the whole time. I played mind games with myself and actually thought the nurses were going to tell me I had to do more chemo. Like I said in previous posts, the strengths you have to find within can be challenging. You test your inner self many times..
The nurses at the Tom Baker were wonderful and rushed over to me, with big smiles, to let me know today is the day I get to ring the bell! I got a bit giddy knowing I finally did it. I, Julie Keith, got through 6 treatments of chemo and this phase of my QUEST was over! I was so humbled and grateful to all the nurses that made my stay comfortable and reassuring. The nurses and volunteers made all those treatments just a little less scary. Their beautiful spirits made all the difference in the world. Thank you.

You all can  imagine which bell I chose! I was so excited, and I knew once I got my hand on that bell, I would ring it load and clear. As I was sitting in the bed, I would look around me at all the people in that room waiting to ring that bell. I thought for a moment, life is bitter-sweet. One day we are running through life as though their isn't enough hours in the day. Then one day.. time stands still. As I went into this knowing nothing I came out learning " about time." Time wasn't rushed anymore, and the time I had that day was precious.
 Looking at all the faces who have laughed load, they too took time to listen, learn, reflect and forgive. We shared something that none of us talked directly about, but we all felt it. I (we) learnt that days mattered and taking the time meant another beautiful day. I learnt that through the hardest times in life we still smile. We do as much as we can everyday to just feel grateful. to feel alive.. to feel free...

 Love to all my warrior friends who continue to stand tall and fight. xo

As I sit waiting to ring that bell, I was so blessed to have two, of some, of the best people I know with me. Mrs. Jody, and Mrs. Siobhan came up for the day to celebrate this moment. I think we cried a few times, for I learnt through all of this, that this has been very difficult on my family and friends. It has brought meaning to us all, and that is, take the time cause that's all we have..Cherish each moment and live each day!

Here it is!! The moment I was waiting for. As I rang that bell all I heard around me were staff and patients clapping for me. It was a moment that still brings tears to my eyes. As I sit back on my chair, looking at this picture,  I see an awakening soul..

Here is the three of us ringing in " FUCK YOU CANCER!" It was extremely emotional at this point. Having these two with me riding this QUEST has made some really hard times seem less hard. Thank you for standing tall and reminding me - all you need is love, love...love is all you need...

My sweetest gift..Thank you for being my strength.  I know it has been extremely difficult for you to see me in all sorts of emotions. Through all that, my sis, you helped me stay strong and healthy. You gave me the strength when I needed it. You reminded me of memories that made me laugh so hard, that I think I laughed all the cancer out.

Well, finally a bald head shines your way. It took about 40 shots to get this picture.lol.. This picture was taken shortly after Jody shaved my head.. Since then, the rest of the hair fell out, and eyebrows followed after. It has been a transition looking at myself in the mirror but as the days go by, I accept the change, but I definitely have hair envy. I'm sure i'll post another head shot soon, or probably just go out once my hair grows to this length again. Wigs drive me crazy!! In the meantime, if you want to visualize me bald, with no eyebrows or make up.....Think Uncle Fester! lmao....

Now on to phase 2........

Treatment 5! Oh, baby..Getting close...

After the shit show that happened last week I was so afraid my Chemo was going to be on hold. I was not going to let some blood loss take me off course and fuck up my QUEST!! I truly believe that having my family and friends helping was the key to me getting better. I ate right, and stayed off my feet as much as I could. Shiv would send me to bed once in a while telling me " you really don't know how to relax." So I took orders from her and went to bed. Didn't sleep, just read some books and lived in my thoughts. Good thoughts that needed to be addressed. Also took some time to draw on my Buddha Board. Love this little piece of heaven I bought..

It's so calming when I just get to draw and write anything on this board. The best part is whatever you do it disappears quickly so whatever thoughts you have are your own.

Monday, Jan 27th I went for my Doc appointment. Had more blood drawn. I was nervous and anxious to find out some much needed info. When  I got in the room, I had a Gyno/Oncologist come in. She was so wonderful and informed me of what might have happened last week and gave me some pills if this happens again. She said it might, and I may need a top up of blood these next two rounds, but you never know. Then my Oncologist came in explaining why he requested another doctor. You see, they don't have all the answers either. He knew this beautiful doc would give me a better idea of what was going on down there!! Women to Women who understand the beauty parts! ha.

Then the next question, can I get my Chemo? The answer, " yes you can Julie, your HGB counts are at 90. Still not high, but high enough for Chemo!" Yes, I was supper pumped. Still riding the  QUEST. A to Z with a few bumps in the road, but I have a plan and I'm not letting anything fuck it up!

I came home and was so excited. I know, funny how one gets excited to get the worst shit shot up with chemo. It makes you fat, sick, tired, anxious. It gives you tones of anxiety and it's just rotten, but to keep this ugly bitch out of my body this is the only way. BRING IT.  I got you!!! Oh, and bummed.. Forgot to ask about my GREEN CARD.. Top on the list to ask Doc.. Very soon!

Came home and saw a big package on my door step..Hmmmm, who is this from. Aw, it's from my beautiful friends Jaime. I was so excited to open it up. Here is what was in it!

Jaime added a few throwbacks too. I remember this day like yesterday. What great memories and great friend. All you beautiful women are in my life today helping me fight and keeping me strong. I want to recreate this pic!



I was so teary eyed when opening this gift. Unexpected. My sis Lori was beside me crying to. I have been so lucky to have such amazing people help me out and brighten my spirits. Jaime, you have been in my life for so many years and I couldn't be more proud then to call you friend. This package came at the perfect time. That Sehpora card will come in handy in buying myself eyelashes. Yes, everyone...Eyebrows and Eyelashes are almost gone.. It's so weird seeing yourself without them. I still have a few.. but........lol..

Jamers, You're the definition of friendship, kindness, respect, love and family. I love you so much and can't wait to plan our trip to Europe.. You my girl and always will be. Thank you friend for all your love and support!

Wed, Jan 29th had my 5th Chemo! I was so excited, cause I got to bring my Cuz Tina. Tina and I were very close. She is my cousin from my dads side. We hadn't seen each other for 15 years or more and couldn't find each other on FB. WE were reunited by our cousin, Darlene that happened to be friends with my momma on FB. She read my blog and befriended me and we started talking. Wow, I learnt a lot that day and one being My cousin Tina had Breast Cancer in 2011. I immediately got in contact with her and ever since then we haven't stopped chatting. Love her.

I was so honoured to bring her. She and I have so many memories from the past, when we were just so very young. I can't express enough how amazing it felt to have her with me. It's like we didn't even miss 15+ years of our life. We are definitely Gowings. We speak our mind and we do it loudly. Haha. We have shared so much and have lost in our lives. I lost dad and she lost her mom and dad. It was therapeutic to share our losses together. She got to hear all my silly stories and I got to hear hers. We both love wine and are looking forward in planning a camping trip with our families. It's only complete if Jods is there too, so go buy a camper Jods!!

Round 5 was interesting. I had a reaction to the drug. My lower back started hurting and it then moved into my hips and thighs. So immediately they stopped drug and gave me Benadryl. The pain went away, but I was afraid they wouldn't continue with the drug. Having  Nurse with me (Tina) only reassured me that they will continue once the Benadryl kicked in.. Tina was right! I finished treatment number 5! Woohoo!!!!

Well all...I have 1 more treatment to go and then I'm done! I have taken all I've gone through and have been reminded by the humanity and love we all have within ourselves. I have been reminded to not be afraid of the small things. I have been reminded to take nothing for granted. I have learned strengths I thought I never had. I learned how to love deeper and lastly, I learned from all of you.



My lovely Jods sent me these flowers. Always thinking of me..I just love you Jods..You're my everything. You make me so happy and when I'm supper sad ,fuck you can make me laugh.xo







Here are a few quotes I love and live by. I may get down, but I work my ass off to get back up and fight. I stand tall,  I surrender to some things ( for now) and I believe. I will not allow this to define me. I will not let CANCER win! You may push me around sometimes but I got you. I will always have you by the balls and squish you. They call me a boss ass bitch!!!haha..(right kenz)

I win!

I'm doing well friends. With all I've gone through I will not let me down. I will still cry and question, but I will never let Julie go. She is what makes me laugh and she is who keeps me real. She will stay!

3 down, 3 more to go....

My 3rd treatment was a hoot?!?! Not really, but can't complain. The Highlight of treatment days is getting to spend time with some of my favourite people. It's a place where time stands still...... It's a place where the stories never stop, and where the memories fill my heart.

Round 3: I brought my beautiful Jilly. Jill is one of my most dearest friends and I was so glad she came with me. As I  sat waiting for Jill, I had to stay strong. I'm an emotional person as is. I have a hard time seeing my loved ones hurting. As I watched Jilly walk in I could already tell she was crying, so I quickly walked away and talked about something off topic where the two of us started laughing out loud.

If you knew Jill, like I do, she doesn't cry like I cry. She has a strength that most of my friends have, and all of them can attest to calling me the "cry baby" of the group.haha Seeing her these last few months overwhelmed with emotions only expresses  how much we just adore each other. We lived our 20s together as single moms. We had no idea of time, money, or whatever else came with becoming an adult. All we knew, was living, loving and being the best we could be as parents?? haha. If  I could go back.. I would. Had no money, but lived so much life! Thankful everyday it was lived with you, my dear Jilly. xoxo

 

Throw back Christmas 2007!

 

My first 3 chemo treatments have been with my three amigos. The ones who I grew up with, who believed in me. Who stood beside me, and who always picked me up when I just wanted to stay down. I always have to make sure I show much gratitude to these amazing individuals, because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. We will forever be bonded. All the greatness these women have shown me, only gives me the strength to be strong. xoxoxo

 So treatments have been a world wind of events, or shall I say emotions. Some days I'm great, and some days I'm a mess. It people are coughing in the house and I start to get paranoid, I wear this?! I know, I've laughed at myself over this. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, everyday is a battle, and everyday I'm learning how to cope with understanding I HAD cancer. ;) I say HAD because I get to make the last decisions on how I'm going to feel at the end of the night. It's me who is in control of my recovery not the cancer.( who I like to call BITCH from time to time)

My body is starting to feel the effects of chemo. I get more tired throughout the day. My skin feels tight on certain days and I think my ass is growing? Come on ladies, I'm still a women and thinking of gaining weight is a wee bit scary. But, kicking( Whatever Cancer might be left) is my number 1 goal.

Do I ever feel defeated some days....hell no! I guess I've always had this inner strength to stand tall, as a solider, and fight. The tears I have are for the past, present and future. I have allowed myself to connect with many of my good, bad and ugly..haha. I will never let Cancer become me. I will surrender to it, for now, but it will never be my future. When you're a Cancer patient you don't want people feeling sorry for you. You want them to be the same with you and sadly not everyone can be that strong. I've learnt to be my honest self, and express exactly what I need. So to be a solider standing tall beside me you need to sing, dance, love, believe, and throw out to the universe positive energy. Remember our mind is a powerful tool.

This brings me to my husband, Tim. He has kept me up when some days I just wanted to fall. He's not your Moishe type. He's the solider you want! He stand tall beside me and doesn't allow any bullshit to affect my QUEST! Tim has had to deal with his own emotions, the girls and mine. He has continued to help me become a stronger person even when he's scared or sad. I couldn't be more thankful knowing I got "solider boy." haha. Love you..

Well, it's time I say good-bye to 2013 and a "FUCKING" Hello to 2014! Everyone near and far have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Throw back Christmas 2007! haha..Tim giving me a smile in a photo!!

 

Wish time stood still...Merry Christmas

 

 

 



Quote of the day...

 
 
 



Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation.

- unknown

Round 2...

This round I brought my Ninja Krista or shall I say, she brought me. Krista  has been my beautiful, inspiring best friend for 20 years. She has been standing tall beside me from the beginning. She has shown her Ninja self from time to time in the years, and we have always had each other's back... A lot of the "I'll save yours," was shits and giggles from getting punched by a pimp. Not so funny then, but today the story gets better and better. To speaking on behalf of my sisters and I at my dad's celebration of life, to walking every journey beside me... Never in front, never behind, always side by side.

In our lives we always knew we had each other. Thank you for taking off work to be with me Yesterday. Having you there meant so much, and I know you'd do it again. It was nice of you to pick me up Monday night for a sleepover, and I had a great time seeing the girls and chilling with my boy, Jeff.  He always know how to make me laugh!

 

I was a bit teary eyes when I first got in there. I think I always will.. It's an overwhelming feeling in so many ways. I kind of know the drill, but some fear comes over me, is it going to burn this time going in? will it work. But mostly I feel for the one sitting beside me. I love everyone around me, so I know they are hurting for me. I just seem to do all the crying for us. lol...Krista is really one of the strongest people I know, and instantly can make you laugh. She helped me forget where I was and we just allowed ourselves to enjoy each other.. I love her for that...Her presence touches souls..

Here she is sharing her hair. Which gave us an idea. Let's go wig shopping!! I think it's time I get some hair. The 3 hrs felt like minutes when you're surrounded by positive energy. It was funny, Jody would text in a lot saying " I can't do this, I'm not doing this again. I have to be at every chemo treatment." Jody you're so cute. Having you there would have been more shits and giggles. xo

 

This is the one I bought for myself. I put it on and looked at Krista with big smiles. I could tell she was happy just seeing me smile big. She's like "a girl needs hair to play around with, and that's the one!" But as I was trying on more, I felt like myself more than I have since finding out I HAD breast cancer. Krista could feel the joy and I could see it in her smile so guess what she did next.........Look below at pic!!

 

 

This is the wig my beautiful Krista bought for me. Without any hesitation she said, "You look so happy and I want you to feel beautiful and sexy!" These wigs are not cheap, for Krista to think of me and do something so wonderful, and on many occasions that day, I cried with joy in my heart. I love you Krista, and thank you for the beauty you share and the strength you give to others. Your heart is so big, and I'm glad I'm in it!

 

 

 

 

Now seeing that I'm grateful for all the love that has come my way, I want to do my gratitude list. I want all my loved ones I'm extremely grateful for all you have done.

 

Brenda, thank your for all the wonderful meals you have brought over every day 1 of chemo... I'm blessed just knowing you and your beautiful spirit.

 

Angela, thank you for our Sunday meals. I just love you!

 

Jody, You know what you do for me... and that's mostly everything. Love you so much..

 

Mel, Your page is coming..my beautiful Guru. Also was so happy to hear the good new today. xo

 

Shiv, Hope to see you this weekend.. Miss you.

 

My surthrivers, I love you all very much. You know who you are.

 

To all the wonderful friends who have texted me and that I miss dearly from the Fort. Thank you for walking this "Quest" with me.

 

Angela from the fort. You keep me BRAVE. So glad I have you to chat with..

 

Jilly, taking Mayson this weekend, not only helps me out but will give her a weekend of fun with her cousins!!! love you!

 

Timmy...Thank you for putting up with me. You're the one who sees the most of my ups and downs. I'm positive I'm driving you nuts... but... too bad!!  Love you.

 

Shelly, Lori.... You guys are great big sisters. I appreciate all you have done for me. From goodies, to slippers and grocery shops to getting me all I needed to feel comfortable. love you both.

 

And now to my MOMMY, Having you here a few weekends ago was so amazing. I learned from you that weekend, and I thought you taught me all I knew already. You showed me patience. How my girls just love you, and how patient you are with them only reminds me why they love you so much. I was so amazed and I forgot you had that amazing talent.  My babies, your grand daughter, adore you Mom. You are their GMA, and my amazing mother. Hurry back.. Love you so much.

 

My babies, thank you for all you have helped with, and thank you for continuing to keep this house feel the same.. (argue with me everyday. keeps the normal in our lives.) it allows me to forget about my cancer and want to kick your asses....Hahahahahahahaha. I love you girlies so much and I wouldn't want my life to be normal. I like all the crazy that's in it!

 

 

Now I thought I'd do a throw back pic. Enjoy and all have a great night. Be grateful for everyday. They can be scary days, teary days, happy days, or pissed off days. Just find some time in that day to feel blessed with what you have and what you have accomplished. Good night friends.

 

 

 

 One of my fondest memories. I time we grew and a place we loved. We have to re-created this pic!

 

 Something I do often. I love to remember what great memories I have had throughout the years...

 

 

 

 

To all the beautiful people in my life...

I want to share some of the amazing things that my family and friends were so kind to do for me. I'm so blessed to have these people in my world. I can't express enough how grateful I am to have each and everyone of you in my life. A lot of my friends throughout this Quest have send flowers, bought me little gifts, and have cooked wonderful meals to show there support, so thank you. Xo

I had this tattoo picked out for me a good few months ago. Those two words spoke so many words to me, but now they sing. I can only be so grateful for the life I choose and looking forward to the life I want!

My Sis Jods gave me this card with a beautiful Necklace that I will post under this. I can't express enough how fucking lucky I am to have her walk this Quest with me. She has been my rock and my voice. Thank you my dear Sis for making this walk easier every step of the way.

It is an angel wing. It came with two, but I gave her the other to wear, so we feel connected when she's not right beside me. It's a twin thing. Some can handle it and some question it, but we are the ones loving it and couldn't be more lucky than to have each other.

My Girlfriend Siobhan requested  I receive this handmade quilt donated by Victoria Quilts Canada. I was so moved by this gesture, and a wonderful women came to my door and delivered it personally. She said " this quilt will keep you warm while your in treatments, and the ladies who made this quilt made it by loving hands to give you warmth and comfort." I broke down and cried, for I thought it was a beautiful thing for my friend to do but a great foundation to help all with cancer.

www.victoriasquiltscanada.com.  There is also an American website, just not sure of it.

Here are some of the beautiful flowers I received from so many.  I couldn't put all the arrangements up, but please know I'm thankful for all who sent some and they made my house look fresh and vibrant. It was great to have such beauty in my house for those days of sadness. xoxoxoxo

Here are some angels that Patricia and Donna gave me to keep me safe while I embark on this quest. I also got this beautiful Necklace from a friend, Kayln. It was such a great surprise to receive this in the mail. Thanks ladies for the love and support.