In the moment...

Hello friends! I have had a busy month since finishing my Radiation. All of my days, thus far, have been filled with Happiness. After dealing with all that ugliness this winter, I just wanted to runaway from it, and enjoy the beauty I so longed for in those darker days. 

Radiation went well. I was scared going into it. Again, it was like walking into a dark room, not knowing what was to become of you.(right from a horror flick) haha... I had no idea what was to happen.. My first day, I felt very nervous. The anxiety that came over me was crazy. You see, for me, because my CANCER was on my left breast I had to hold my breath for 20 seconds every time they radiated. Ya, I know... try holding your breath for 20 seconds..GO!!!!!!!! Just a lot to think about... I just had to do it correctly for I was afraid my organs would be damaged..I will find out on June 9, 2014 my progress, and how my body is healing. I feel fantastic, so I'm hoping good new! 

This was my bed. The first day of Radiation took about an hour. Measurements and such. In that hour, I think i contemplated running out of their 100 times.  It was like my legs had their own mind..( lets get the fuck out of here) Believe it or not, I stayed and trooped it out...As the days went by, it got easier. It was nice most days because I got to see my lady Radiologists, who were so amazing..They made every appointment comfortable. Hard to believe that the Tom Baker has been my JOB these past few months.

Two of the 4 amazing ladies that I got the bitter-sweet privilege in meeting.. I can say that being in the CANCER world you are very well taken care of. Sometimes the Docs don't say much, which sucks, but all in all the care you receive is amazing..

Their are many volunteers that come in everyday to play piano. This gentleman was one of my favourite. He would play Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, to a simple favorite of mine.. "Somewhere over the Rainbow!" It was a place to reflect, and be grateful I had today.. It allowed me to be!!

Here is the ribbon stand! Once you successfully finish Radiation you get to ring the bell, tie a ribbon, honouring what you have accomplished. I thought it would be comforting to pay tribute to, a special someone, my daddy, who lost his battle to Cancer. He was one of the most amazing spirits and I miss him everyday. His ribbon is the light blue one..The purple is for one who is still fighting, Mrs. Tonya Nixon. I love you and think of you everyday. I sent it out to the Universe that you will be a happy, beautiful source of energy that will surge through us when times seem difficult. You will help us rise above, and give us our smile when sadness tries to defeat us.Forever loved.... To all the ladies that stood beside me, who have battle Breast Cancer, Thank you for all your support and love. Without you ladies, Ang, Debbie, Cindy, Kristi, Maria, Tina, things would have been so much scarier. I have found friends in all of you, and couldn't be more proud to know we have each others hearts. When days get tough, I think we all know we can count on each other to help pick us up, even when we don't want to look up. much love.....

Through this QUEST I have learnt things about me. I have tapped into my inner self and realised i was not living my authentic self.. Fear creates a barrier, and unless you go right through it, you will never get to the next step.. A dear loving person told me, "there will be many forks and all will lead to something wonderful and unexpected."  Hearing that, amongst many other beautiful words spoken, I knew that JULIE wasn't going to hide anymore..We are faced with fear everyday, it's how we conquer the fear itself that will define us and make us better human beings. My life as I know it, is blessed. I am grateful for all that I have, and all that I WILL accomplish. My truth is my story, and man, I have an amazing one to tell. I'm excited for tomorrow, and live everyday just a little different. We all change and evolve as people. Getting the chance to live my BEST life excites me. It gives me hope...

  

Much love,

Jules xo

Giggle pic of the day!

To those of you who know me, I'm one who likes to play pranks. I also like to share pics that bring me to the ugly laugh when days get sad. Yes, I can admit, I use my family from time to time, but only in good fun.

This pic was taken the day Jody Shaved my head. It was a day of tears, so Mayson thought she would beautify her Auntie Jods..Man did she do good!!!!

Jody, you always know how to grab all the attention..lmao..You show stopper you!!

I'm crying...in laughter....


Happy Easter to all!!

Last Chemo and off to the second phase...

It has been a few weeks since writing. Sorry for the hold up friends, I just felt I needed to wrap my head around what I have gone through thus far. I had my last treatment Feb 19, 2014!! I was nervous the whole time. I played mind games with myself and actually thought the nurses were going to tell me I had to do more chemo. Like I said in previous posts, the strengths you have to find within can be challenging. You test your inner self many times..
The nurses at the Tom Baker were wonderful and rushed over to me, with big smiles, to let me know today is the day I get to ring the bell! I got a bit giddy knowing I finally did it. I, Julie Keith, got through 6 treatments of chemo and this phase of my QUEST was over! I was so humbled and grateful to all the nurses that made my stay comfortable and reassuring. The nurses and volunteers made all those treatments just a little less scary. Their beautiful spirits made all the difference in the world. Thank you.

You all can  imagine which bell I chose! I was so excited, and I knew once I got my hand on that bell, I would ring it load and clear. As I was sitting in the bed, I would look around me at all the people in that room waiting to ring that bell. I thought for a moment, life is bitter-sweet. One day we are running through life as though their isn't enough hours in the day. Then one day.. time stands still. As I went into this knowing nothing I came out learning " about time." Time wasn't rushed anymore, and the time I had that day was precious.
 Looking at all the faces who have laughed load, they too took time to listen, learn, reflect and forgive. We shared something that none of us talked directly about, but we all felt it. I (we) learnt that days mattered and taking the time meant another beautiful day. I learnt that through the hardest times in life we still smile. We do as much as we can everyday to just feel grateful. to feel alive.. to feel free...

 Love to all my warrior friends who continue to stand tall and fight. xo

As I sit waiting to ring that bell, I was so blessed to have two, of some, of the best people I know with me. Mrs. Jody, and Mrs. Siobhan came up for the day to celebrate this moment. I think we cried a few times, for I learnt through all of this, that this has been very difficult on my family and friends. It has brought meaning to us all, and that is, take the time cause that's all we have..Cherish each moment and live each day!

Here it is!! The moment I was waiting for. As I rang that bell all I heard around me were staff and patients clapping for me. It was a moment that still brings tears to my eyes. As I sit back on my chair, looking at this picture,  I see an awakening soul..

Here is the three of us ringing in " FUCK YOU CANCER!" It was extremely emotional at this point. Having these two with me riding this QUEST has made some really hard times seem less hard. Thank you for standing tall and reminding me - all you need is love, love...love is all you need...

My sweetest gift..Thank you for being my strength.  I know it has been extremely difficult for you to see me in all sorts of emotions. Through all that, my sis, you helped me stay strong and healthy. You gave me the strength when I needed it. You reminded me of memories that made me laugh so hard, that I think I laughed all the cancer out.

Well, finally a bald head shines your way. It took about 40 shots to get this picture.lol.. This picture was taken shortly after Jody shaved my head.. Since then, the rest of the hair fell out, and eyebrows followed after. It has been a transition looking at myself in the mirror but as the days go by, I accept the change, but I definitely have hair envy. I'm sure i'll post another head shot soon, or probably just go out once my hair grows to this length again. Wigs drive me crazy!! In the meantime, if you want to visualize me bald, with no eyebrows or make up.....Think Uncle Fester! lmao....

Now on to phase 2........

babling..blah..blah..

 

 

Happy New Year everyone! This year my life is moving on accepting change and looking forward to what will make me stronger and more complete. I have learned to escape my mind on most days, but that little bitch likes to fuck with your head. Again.. I mean, ok, I HAD cancer so fuck off already?!?!

 It's worse than a man shouting, SHARON..SHARON.. aka Ozzy Osborne..( Ladies..replace your name with Sharon) Get my drift?!

 

I don't know why, but I can only tolerate so much. Like for instance, please don't pity me. I like talking about it, I even cry about it, but when I mention it. I don't want the poor me card. I Need to not be reminded that I'm sick. I remind myself every time I look in the mirror.( and man do I scare myself. I also might tear up or laugh out load) Really depends on the hormones.. Crazy days!!

 

 

 

 I have recently learned how to use my Cancer to my advantage. I read it in Kris Carr's book " Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips." She said to use it like a Credit card. Swipe it and see if you get approved. I've used it on little things, but nothing big yet. But I must be prepared for it to decline. It doesn't always work in your favor, but let's hope it works for Tim...

 

Tim was summoned to Juror Duty! LOL.. I know, I've never heard of anyone having to sit on a Juror before. I think it would be pretty interesting to be chosen for Juror Duty, but Tim has some work to do in Phoenix, so he did the swipe! Waiting to see if it worked. If not, stay safe and don't make eye contact with the accused. Muwahhhaa..

 

 

I'm enjoying this 12 step program. It has helped me learn a little more about myself and it has allowed me to see things differently. Number 2 can get difficult, but it's one of the most important steps in healing yourself and keeping "Julie's Quest" on track! A- Z baby!!

 

Got a few more goodies in the mail from friends,and I would like to share them with you all. It's extremely important I show my appreciation and gratitude. Thank you..

 

My Shivvy brought this when she came and stayed for the weekend. She also sent some yummy baked Christmas treats. Loves ya sweets!

 

 

Oh, and one of my super Warriors sent this beautiful necklace. Debbie, again, thank you for all your support. It's nice to know we are not alone. xo

 

Mrs. Jana. I know if we lived close you'd be helping me whenever I needed you. It saddens me to know that you feel helpless, but I know if I call you'll be here. The memories we share are priceless and ours.. loves you.

 

 

 

Well friends, it's time for bed. Round 4 of Chemo tomorrow.....Ewe!

 

 

  

 

 

 

3 down, 3 more to go....

My 3rd treatment was a hoot?!?! Not really, but can't complain. The Highlight of treatment days is getting to spend time with some of my favourite people. It's a place where time stands still...... It's a place where the stories never stop, and where the memories fill my heart.

Round 3: I brought my beautiful Jilly. Jill is one of my most dearest friends and I was so glad she came with me. As I  sat waiting for Jill, I had to stay strong. I'm an emotional person as is. I have a hard time seeing my loved ones hurting. As I watched Jilly walk in I could already tell she was crying, so I quickly walked away and talked about something off topic where the two of us started laughing out loud.

If you knew Jill, like I do, she doesn't cry like I cry. She has a strength that most of my friends have, and all of them can attest to calling me the "cry baby" of the group.haha Seeing her these last few months overwhelmed with emotions only expresses  how much we just adore each other. We lived our 20s together as single moms. We had no idea of time, money, or whatever else came with becoming an adult. All we knew, was living, loving and being the best we could be as parents?? haha. If  I could go back.. I would. Had no money, but lived so much life! Thankful everyday it was lived with you, my dear Jilly. xoxo

 

Throw back Christmas 2007!

 

My first 3 chemo treatments have been with my three amigos. The ones who I grew up with, who believed in me. Who stood beside me, and who always picked me up when I just wanted to stay down. I always have to make sure I show much gratitude to these amazing individuals, because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. We will forever be bonded. All the greatness these women have shown me, only gives me the strength to be strong. xoxoxo

 So treatments have been a world wind of events, or shall I say emotions. Some days I'm great, and some days I'm a mess. It people are coughing in the house and I start to get paranoid, I wear this?! I know, I've laughed at myself over this. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, everyday is a battle, and everyday I'm learning how to cope with understanding I HAD cancer. ;) I say HAD because I get to make the last decisions on how I'm going to feel at the end of the night. It's me who is in control of my recovery not the cancer.( who I like to call BITCH from time to time)

My body is starting to feel the effects of chemo. I get more tired throughout the day. My skin feels tight on certain days and I think my ass is growing? Come on ladies, I'm still a women and thinking of gaining weight is a wee bit scary. But, kicking( Whatever Cancer might be left) is my number 1 goal.

Do I ever feel defeated some days....hell no! I guess I've always had this inner strength to stand tall, as a solider, and fight. The tears I have are for the past, present and future. I have allowed myself to connect with many of my good, bad and ugly..haha. I will never let Cancer become me. I will surrender to it, for now, but it will never be my future. When you're a Cancer patient you don't want people feeling sorry for you. You want them to be the same with you and sadly not everyone can be that strong. I've learnt to be my honest self, and express exactly what I need. So to be a solider standing tall beside me you need to sing, dance, love, believe, and throw out to the universe positive energy. Remember our mind is a powerful tool.

This brings me to my husband, Tim. He has kept me up when some days I just wanted to fall. He's not your Moishe type. He's the solider you want! He stand tall beside me and doesn't allow any bullshit to affect my QUEST! Tim has had to deal with his own emotions, the girls and mine. He has continued to help me become a stronger person even when he's scared or sad. I couldn't be more thankful knowing I got "solider boy." haha. Love you..

Well, it's time I say good-bye to 2013 and a "FUCKING" Hello to 2014! Everyone near and far have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Throw back Christmas 2007! haha..Tim giving me a smile in a photo!!

 

Wish time stood still...Merry Christmas

 

 

 



Quote of the day...

 
 
 



Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation.

- unknown

So touching

Thank you to everyone. I have many people to thank for helping me through this difficult time. Kristi, Debbie, Cindy, Maria who are living proof of kicking cancers ass, without you guys helping me through this crazy, Mind fuck of a time I'd be lost. You guys took some of the darkness away. Angela, thank you for all your love and support. It shows much strength, courage and love to help me with my Quest while you're battling your own. You have been my eyes when I couldn't look any further. I'm proud of you Ang!  I'm looking forward to having drinks with all you lovely ladies. To my beautiful daughters from the fort, you all know who you are, I love you guys and miss your loud ass, dancing, crazy personalities in my house.

To MY beautiful daughters. I love you guys so much and couldn't be more proud of you all. I will forever be in your corner.

My daughters Madison and Mayson and Madison's friends (Aspen) did up these shirts and ran. Ironically it was the same day of my surgery. I was so moved.

Here is one of my Ninjas.

Here is Kristi sporting some fighting power for herself, me and other women. So Proud.

And here are my Ash, Syd and Nicole running for the cure, running for there future.

I am so grateful and can't evn express.

 Love you!

To all the beautiful people in my life...

I want to share some of the amazing things that my family and friends were so kind to do for me. I'm so blessed to have these people in my world. I can't express enough how grateful I am to have each and everyone of you in my life. A lot of my friends throughout this Quest have send flowers, bought me little gifts, and have cooked wonderful meals to show there support, so thank you. Xo

I had this tattoo picked out for me a good few months ago. Those two words spoke so many words to me, but now they sing. I can only be so grateful for the life I choose and looking forward to the life I want!

My Sis Jods gave me this card with a beautiful Necklace that I will post under this. I can't express enough how fucking lucky I am to have her walk this Quest with me. She has been my rock and my voice. Thank you my dear Sis for making this walk easier every step of the way.

It is an angel wing. It came with two, but I gave her the other to wear, so we feel connected when she's not right beside me. It's a twin thing. Some can handle it and some question it, but we are the ones loving it and couldn't be more lucky than to have each other.

My Girlfriend Siobhan requested  I receive this handmade quilt donated by Victoria Quilts Canada. I was so moved by this gesture, and a wonderful women came to my door and delivered it personally. She said " this quilt will keep you warm while your in treatments, and the ladies who made this quilt made it by loving hands to give you warmth and comfort." I broke down and cried, for I thought it was a beautiful thing for my friend to do but a great foundation to help all with cancer.

www.victoriasquiltscanada.com.  There is also an American website, just not sure of it.

Here are some of the beautiful flowers I received from so many.  I couldn't put all the arrangements up, but please know I'm thankful for all who sent some and they made my house look fresh and vibrant. It was great to have such beauty in my house for those days of sadness. xoxoxoxo

Here are some angels that Patricia and Donna gave me to keep me safe while I embark on this quest. I also got this beautiful Necklace from a friend, Kayln. It was such a great surprise to receive this in the mail. Thanks ladies for the love and support.

Oncologist day and day 1 of first round of chemo

I met my Oncologist and he explained what kind of meds I will be taking. I will be having 6 treatments every 3 weeks. The first 3 are a bit hard, because I'm young they want to hit it hard. The last 3 aren't as harsh. I said ok, lets do this. He then said we need to book you in for an ECG..Arg, another test! Yes, more baseline tests. He also wanted me to do a chest x-ray and bone scan . I said, " my surgeon didn't request those?" He then said, "well I'm your Oncologist and I would like you to take them." I started to cry, because I hate the tests. After the scare with the liver I didn't want to do anymore tests. I told my Oncologist this, and he said I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. So I decided to wait and take them for later. I'm someone who can't live with the unknown, especially now. I was a smoker for 24 years. I knew what my lungs looked like, I told him. Ugly, dark and spotted. He said, "yes your probably right, but you no longer smoke remember." That's right, I quit August 24th. He made me feel a bit better. But please. The things we do to our body, to only be faced with the consequences.

Chemo day came quick! My sister Jody came with me and Tim met us at the hospital later. Jody promised she will be there for everyone if the weather is good. We got to hospital and they called my name. I was strong until that point. I started to cry, Jody cried with me and our beautiful nurse got teary eyed and made us feel a lot better. She got me all ready for meds, explained everything that was going to go on. Jods and I started crying again. My nurse then looked at me and said, " I have some Ativan, would you like to take it?" I didn't hesitate. I gobbled it down;)

On my way to the hospital for my first treatment. I look pumped?? Not so much. Just getting my warrior on!!lol..well I tried..haha

Jods and I still smiling. With sadness we must triumph on and be happy.. " I've got you babe." Here I go singing to myself again. geez..

Me all plugged in to the meds that will kick cancers ass!! It didn't hurt at all. I was afraid of that, but all was good and very comfortable. To the nurses and volunteers thank you for making my first visit warm, comfortable, informative and thank you, thank you for the giggles..

Well I think I'm ready to Post and share to all my family, friends, and to anyone who needs a little love, support and encouragement. You are not alone. I will be posting my days with you all so you all have answers and so that you can all follow Julie's Quest. Love to you all. xoxo

Here was the last cut Jods did before shaving my head. My daughters were with us and we cried and laughed. I think that was the day it became a little more real for my beautiful daughters. It was great to see them continue to stay strong through it all. After the shaving, my oldest daughter (Mackenzie) did up my makeup. She made me feel beautiful. Then we took pics all night.

I am now believing in tomorrow. I have had many ups and downs during this QUEST, but still find it in my nature to sing, smile and laugh hard. Life brings us things we feel we have no power over, but to all you who read this never forget we are strong and we fight. We are warriors.

My Mackenzie, wrote this the day after my head was shaved. She has been so strong for me in ways where the laughter just roars when she does one of her goofy impressions. Just having her in the room brightens the darkest days. I am so blessed to have such beautiful girls who think of others and who walk with pride and dignity.