babling..blah..blah..

 

 

Happy New Year everyone! This year my life is moving on accepting change and looking forward to what will make me stronger and more complete. I have learned to escape my mind on most days, but that little bitch likes to fuck with your head. Again.. I mean, ok, I HAD cancer so fuck off already?!?!

 It's worse than a man shouting, SHARON..SHARON.. aka Ozzy Osborne..( Ladies..replace your name with Sharon) Get my drift?!

 

I don't know why, but I can only tolerate so much. Like for instance, please don't pity me. I like talking about it, I even cry about it, but when I mention it. I don't want the poor me card. I Need to not be reminded that I'm sick. I remind myself every time I look in the mirror.( and man do I scare myself. I also might tear up or laugh out load) Really depends on the hormones.. Crazy days!!

 

 

 

 I have recently learned how to use my Cancer to my advantage. I read it in Kris Carr's book " Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips." She said to use it like a Credit card. Swipe it and see if you get approved. I've used it on little things, but nothing big yet. But I must be prepared for it to decline. It doesn't always work in your favor, but let's hope it works for Tim...

 

Tim was summoned to Juror Duty! LOL.. I know, I've never heard of anyone having to sit on a Juror before. I think it would be pretty interesting to be chosen for Juror Duty, but Tim has some work to do in Phoenix, so he did the swipe! Waiting to see if it worked. If not, stay safe and don't make eye contact with the accused. Muwahhhaa..

 

 

I'm enjoying this 12 step program. It has helped me learn a little more about myself and it has allowed me to see things differently. Number 2 can get difficult, but it's one of the most important steps in healing yourself and keeping "Julie's Quest" on track! A- Z baby!!

 

Got a few more goodies in the mail from friends,and I would like to share them with you all. It's extremely important I show my appreciation and gratitude. Thank you..

 

My Shivvy brought this when she came and stayed for the weekend. She also sent some yummy baked Christmas treats. Loves ya sweets!

 

 

Oh, and one of my super Warriors sent this beautiful necklace. Debbie, again, thank you for all your support. It's nice to know we are not alone. xo

 

Mrs. Jana. I know if we lived close you'd be helping me whenever I needed you. It saddens me to know that you feel helpless, but I know if I call you'll be here. The memories we share are priceless and ours.. loves you.

 

 

 

Well friends, it's time for bed. Round 4 of Chemo tomorrow.....Ewe!

 

 

  

 

 

 

Learning..

Everyday since learning I HAD breast cancer, I have taken some much needed time to reflect on my life. I have allowed myself to answer the questions that I feared. It has, thus far, been a huge learning curve, and This "Quest" of mine has brought me closer to understanding the beauty of ones inner self. I have seen things that tested every thought unspoken and I have a greater appreciation for the simple things in life.

Had another scare a few weeks ago. I only shared it with a few people for I didn't want to alarm to many of you, when really I didn't even know exactly what I was panicking about. You see, when I have to do these baseline tests to see if cancer has spread I go a bit to the dark side. It's very difficult when you're scheduled for a bone scan to only have to be told you need to go for an X-ray immediately after. You have no time to process anything- all that goes through your mind is, "fuck.. It's CANCER". 
This is where Tim comes into play with all this CANCER stuff. He's my to go to guy. He tells it as it is, and he is the man who gets all my results before I do. As hard as it is on him having to wait for that call, he does it for me! Thankfully the call he received was reassuring and informative.

 My Oncologist feels it's an old injury. We will do a follow up in 6 months. He said, " no need to biopsy that, for I know what cancer looks like, and also it didn't show up on x-rays."
I'm good with that information.. for now.

I'm on my "QUEST" in healing my mind, body and soul. I can only focus on cleaning my body up the best ways possible and one of those ways is working hard in clearing my mind. The mind is a powerful weapon, and I want it working for me not against me.

 

So this comes to my next topic of interest and that is how blessed I am to have the wonderful people in my life. I have been learning interesting ways to cope, and feel free during this QUEST. I have always wanted to touch base more into the spiritual part of my inner self. My girl friend Melanie and I would have many, many conversations about religion, beliefs, spiritual healing. You name it, we talked about it. The two of us have always had this inner interest in holistic healing and talked hours on what power the mind has.  It is the free spirits in us both that allow us to feel comfortable to speak freely without any judgement..

 

Melanie has always giving me tips and constantly reminded me of my inner strength when at times I questioned it. I call her my little guru. She knows what to say to heal the mind and to use my inner self to control the situation. A few days after my second round of Chemo I got a lovely package in the mail. It was full of goodies. Her gifts are thought out, and have much meaning. Love this about my Guru, she know me inside and out. She takes her time with finding the perfect healing measures to keep my spirits up in the way we would share it. I'm so blessed I have her to share this inner side of me with, and I'm glad she feels safe with sharing her inner thoughts with me. She is a true gem.xo

 

Here is my gift from my beautiful Guru. Some prayer beads she made me, as well as some of my favorite things. She bought me this Chakra book in which I'm finding very interesting and feeling the healing within. I just want to mention, this isn't for everyone, and I'm not saying go holistic on my ass and become the next Guru.This isn't for everyone and that's fine. I'm just wanting to share a little about me and my world and what brings me peace. Love you Melly!

 

Evening Snack

 

Raspberries, green or mint tea

 

Aromatherapy for the body, soul and mind

 

Chakra healing

 

 

I

 A women who speaks to us all!

 

Here are two other awesome reads. Kris Carr is such an inspiration and any Kick ass Cancer patient should read her stuff. I felt empowered reading her book, and will continue to support her.
Kitchen Cures should be in your hands. So many great tips, ideas, methods. My big sis Lori got this book for me and I love it!

Well folks, it's time for bed. I have my 3rd round of Chemo tomorrow. Yippy! I will let you all know how that goes before the holidays begin. Also I need to thank a few ladies that came to visit me a couple weekends ago.. Oh, and I also got another little treat in the mail.. I will post in next couple days. Geez, now that  I think about it.. I have a few other things to post..Ok. Night, night.

Much love,

Jules

My Story

I was sitting in my twins backyard wondering, "what are we going to do this summer?" In the past we always headed to Osoyoos, BC where my parents bought a house. It was a retirement home for the two of them to enjoy and finally put themselves first. After raising 4 daughter of their own, mom and dad were ready to be empty nesters and live in beautiful British Columbia. Sadly for my father, it was short lived. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 Esophageal Cancer. We were all devastated. My father lived a year after diagnosis. He passed away January 4th 2004.  My mom decided to keep the house and since then, we have enjoyed many summer holidays in Osoyoos.

This past summer, my twin sis Jods and I decided we weren't going to head to Osoyoos. Considering  we go every year, we thought we might try something different.

What were we going to do?

We pondered and both looked at each other and said " why wouldn't we go to Osoyoos, we love it there." So it was final, we were planning another beautiful trip to Osoyoos, BC.

We finally arrived and were so excited because this time instead of staying at my Mom's place the whole time we made reservations to stay in Jody and Ken's Condo. It was a beautiful time with amazing weather.

We all loved our time together. Every day/evening we would head down to my mom's for a few cocktails and share our stories. I'm not sure what the conversations were about, probably health and living a life fulfilled instead of living it with the cup half empty when I discovered a lump in my breast. I kept feeling it for it didn't feel normal. Shortly after that I got my sister, Jody, to come feel it. She gave me this funny look and said, "um, I'd get that checked." When my mom felt it she said, "oh, it's probably nothing but I'd go check it out." After feeling it a bit I never gave it much thought. I figured once I'm home I'd deal with it then.

The night before Jody and I left to go back home we were both uneasy about something. Our sleep that night felt like no sleep at all. The "things" I was dreaming about kept me up all night. I noticed Jody tossing and turning as well. I didn't want to wake her, but a few times she was screaming in her sleep. I left her alone and tried my hardest to get some rest. Morning came and we were off, back to awesome Alberta. About 3 hours into our drive I looked at Jods and said I needed to talk to her about a dream I had. She looked at me with a strange look and said she also had odd dreams that night. I started off by telling her of the faces I was seeing. They were native people screaming at me, but I could hear them. There faces so close to mine screaming words, but nothing was coming out. Jods, looked at me with wide eyes and said, "that was my dream too Jules!"

The reason I'm telling you all this, is because this was the beginning of what will be the biggest and most challenging year of my life. I wouldn't know it then, but as I go further on in my story I realize I'm going to have to get ready for battle.