Last Chemo and off to the second phase...

It has been a few weeks since writing. Sorry for the hold up friends, I just felt I needed to wrap my head around what I have gone through thus far. I had my last treatment Feb 19, 2014!! I was nervous the whole time. I played mind games with myself and actually thought the nurses were going to tell me I had to do more chemo. Like I said in previous posts, the strengths you have to find within can be challenging. You test your inner self many times..
The nurses at the Tom Baker were wonderful and rushed over to me, with big smiles, to let me know today is the day I get to ring the bell! I got a bit giddy knowing I finally did it. I, Julie Keith, got through 6 treatments of chemo and this phase of my QUEST was over! I was so humbled and grateful to all the nurses that made my stay comfortable and reassuring. The nurses and volunteers made all those treatments just a little less scary. Their beautiful spirits made all the difference in the world. Thank you.

You all can  imagine which bell I chose! I was so excited, and I knew once I got my hand on that bell, I would ring it load and clear. As I was sitting in the bed, I would look around me at all the people in that room waiting to ring that bell. I thought for a moment, life is bitter-sweet. One day we are running through life as though their isn't enough hours in the day. Then one day.. time stands still. As I went into this knowing nothing I came out learning " about time." Time wasn't rushed anymore, and the time I had that day was precious.
 Looking at all the faces who have laughed load, they too took time to listen, learn, reflect and forgive. We shared something that none of us talked directly about, but we all felt it. I (we) learnt that days mattered and taking the time meant another beautiful day. I learnt that through the hardest times in life we still smile. We do as much as we can everyday to just feel grateful. to feel alive.. to feel free...

 Love to all my warrior friends who continue to stand tall and fight. xo

As I sit waiting to ring that bell, I was so blessed to have two, of some, of the best people I know with me. Mrs. Jody, and Mrs. Siobhan came up for the day to celebrate this moment. I think we cried a few times, for I learnt through all of this, that this has been very difficult on my family and friends. It has brought meaning to us all, and that is, take the time cause that's all we have..Cherish each moment and live each day!

Here it is!! The moment I was waiting for. As I rang that bell all I heard around me were staff and patients clapping for me. It was a moment that still brings tears to my eyes. As I sit back on my chair, looking at this picture,  I see an awakening soul..

Here is the three of us ringing in " FUCK YOU CANCER!" It was extremely emotional at this point. Having these two with me riding this QUEST has made some really hard times seem less hard. Thank you for standing tall and reminding me - all you need is love, love...love is all you need...

My sweetest gift..Thank you for being my strength.  I know it has been extremely difficult for you to see me in all sorts of emotions. Through all that, my sis, you helped me stay strong and healthy. You gave me the strength when I needed it. You reminded me of memories that made me laugh so hard, that I think I laughed all the cancer out.

Well, finally a bald head shines your way. It took about 40 shots to get this picture.lol.. This picture was taken shortly after Jody shaved my head.. Since then, the rest of the hair fell out, and eyebrows followed after. It has been a transition looking at myself in the mirror but as the days go by, I accept the change, but I definitely have hair envy. I'm sure i'll post another head shot soon, or probably just go out once my hair grows to this length again. Wigs drive me crazy!! In the meantime, if you want to visualize me bald, with no eyebrows or make up.....Think Uncle Fester! lmao....

Now on to phase 2........

babling..blah..blah..

 

 

Happy New Year everyone! This year my life is moving on accepting change and looking forward to what will make me stronger and more complete. I have learned to escape my mind on most days, but that little bitch likes to fuck with your head. Again.. I mean, ok, I HAD cancer so fuck off already?!?!

 It's worse than a man shouting, SHARON..SHARON.. aka Ozzy Osborne..( Ladies..replace your name with Sharon) Get my drift?!

 

I don't know why, but I can only tolerate so much. Like for instance, please don't pity me. I like talking about it, I even cry about it, but when I mention it. I don't want the poor me card. I Need to not be reminded that I'm sick. I remind myself every time I look in the mirror.( and man do I scare myself. I also might tear up or laugh out load) Really depends on the hormones.. Crazy days!!

 

 

 

 I have recently learned how to use my Cancer to my advantage. I read it in Kris Carr's book " Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips." She said to use it like a Credit card. Swipe it and see if you get approved. I've used it on little things, but nothing big yet. But I must be prepared for it to decline. It doesn't always work in your favor, but let's hope it works for Tim...

 

Tim was summoned to Juror Duty! LOL.. I know, I've never heard of anyone having to sit on a Juror before. I think it would be pretty interesting to be chosen for Juror Duty, but Tim has some work to do in Phoenix, so he did the swipe! Waiting to see if it worked. If not, stay safe and don't make eye contact with the accused. Muwahhhaa..

 

 

I'm enjoying this 12 step program. It has helped me learn a little more about myself and it has allowed me to see things differently. Number 2 can get difficult, but it's one of the most important steps in healing yourself and keeping "Julie's Quest" on track! A- Z baby!!

 

Got a few more goodies in the mail from friends,and I would like to share them with you all. It's extremely important I show my appreciation and gratitude. Thank you..

 

My Shivvy brought this when she came and stayed for the weekend. She also sent some yummy baked Christmas treats. Loves ya sweets!

 

 

Oh, and one of my super Warriors sent this beautiful necklace. Debbie, again, thank you for all your support. It's nice to know we are not alone. xo

 

Mrs. Jana. I know if we lived close you'd be helping me whenever I needed you. It saddens me to know that you feel helpless, but I know if I call you'll be here. The memories we share are priceless and ours.. loves you.

 

 

 

Well friends, it's time for bed. Round 4 of Chemo tomorrow.....Ewe!

 

 

  

 

 

 

3 down, 3 more to go....

My 3rd treatment was a hoot?!?! Not really, but can't complain. The Highlight of treatment days is getting to spend time with some of my favourite people. It's a place where time stands still...... It's a place where the stories never stop, and where the memories fill my heart.

Round 3: I brought my beautiful Jilly. Jill is one of my most dearest friends and I was so glad she came with me. As I  sat waiting for Jill, I had to stay strong. I'm an emotional person as is. I have a hard time seeing my loved ones hurting. As I watched Jilly walk in I could already tell she was crying, so I quickly walked away and talked about something off topic where the two of us started laughing out loud.

If you knew Jill, like I do, she doesn't cry like I cry. She has a strength that most of my friends have, and all of them can attest to calling me the "cry baby" of the group.haha Seeing her these last few months overwhelmed with emotions only expresses  how much we just adore each other. We lived our 20s together as single moms. We had no idea of time, money, or whatever else came with becoming an adult. All we knew, was living, loving and being the best we could be as parents?? haha. If  I could go back.. I would. Had no money, but lived so much life! Thankful everyday it was lived with you, my dear Jilly. xoxo

 

Throw back Christmas 2007!

 

My first 3 chemo treatments have been with my three amigos. The ones who I grew up with, who believed in me. Who stood beside me, and who always picked me up when I just wanted to stay down. I always have to make sure I show much gratitude to these amazing individuals, because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. We will forever be bonded. All the greatness these women have shown me, only gives me the strength to be strong. xoxoxo

 So treatments have been a world wind of events, or shall I say emotions. Some days I'm great, and some days I'm a mess. It people are coughing in the house and I start to get paranoid, I wear this?! I know, I've laughed at myself over this. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, everyday is a battle, and everyday I'm learning how to cope with understanding I HAD cancer. ;) I say HAD because I get to make the last decisions on how I'm going to feel at the end of the night. It's me who is in control of my recovery not the cancer.( who I like to call BITCH from time to time)

My body is starting to feel the effects of chemo. I get more tired throughout the day. My skin feels tight on certain days and I think my ass is growing? Come on ladies, I'm still a women and thinking of gaining weight is a wee bit scary. But, kicking( Whatever Cancer might be left) is my number 1 goal.

Do I ever feel defeated some days....hell no! I guess I've always had this inner strength to stand tall, as a solider, and fight. The tears I have are for the past, present and future. I have allowed myself to connect with many of my good, bad and ugly..haha. I will never let Cancer become me. I will surrender to it, for now, but it will never be my future. When you're a Cancer patient you don't want people feeling sorry for you. You want them to be the same with you and sadly not everyone can be that strong. I've learnt to be my honest self, and express exactly what I need. So to be a solider standing tall beside me you need to sing, dance, love, believe, and throw out to the universe positive energy. Remember our mind is a powerful tool.

This brings me to my husband, Tim. He has kept me up when some days I just wanted to fall. He's not your Moishe type. He's the solider you want! He stand tall beside me and doesn't allow any bullshit to affect my QUEST! Tim has had to deal with his own emotions, the girls and mine. He has continued to help me become a stronger person even when he's scared or sad. I couldn't be more thankful knowing I got "solider boy." haha. Love you..

Well, it's time I say good-bye to 2013 and a "FUCKING" Hello to 2014! Everyone near and far have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Throw back Christmas 2007! haha..Tim giving me a smile in a photo!!

 

Wish time stood still...Merry Christmas

 

 

 



Learning..

Everyday since learning I HAD breast cancer, I have taken some much needed time to reflect on my life. I have allowed myself to answer the questions that I feared. It has, thus far, been a huge learning curve, and This "Quest" of mine has brought me closer to understanding the beauty of ones inner self. I have seen things that tested every thought unspoken and I have a greater appreciation for the simple things in life.

Had another scare a few weeks ago. I only shared it with a few people for I didn't want to alarm to many of you, when really I didn't even know exactly what I was panicking about. You see, when I have to do these baseline tests to see if cancer has spread I go a bit to the dark side. It's very difficult when you're scheduled for a bone scan to only have to be told you need to go for an X-ray immediately after. You have no time to process anything- all that goes through your mind is, "fuck.. It's CANCER". 
This is where Tim comes into play with all this CANCER stuff. He's my to go to guy. He tells it as it is, and he is the man who gets all my results before I do. As hard as it is on him having to wait for that call, he does it for me! Thankfully the call he received was reassuring and informative.

 My Oncologist feels it's an old injury. We will do a follow up in 6 months. He said, " no need to biopsy that, for I know what cancer looks like, and also it didn't show up on x-rays."
I'm good with that information.. for now.

I'm on my "QUEST" in healing my mind, body and soul. I can only focus on cleaning my body up the best ways possible and one of those ways is working hard in clearing my mind. The mind is a powerful weapon, and I want it working for me not against me.

 

So this comes to my next topic of interest and that is how blessed I am to have the wonderful people in my life. I have been learning interesting ways to cope, and feel free during this QUEST. I have always wanted to touch base more into the spiritual part of my inner self. My girl friend Melanie and I would have many, many conversations about religion, beliefs, spiritual healing. You name it, we talked about it. The two of us have always had this inner interest in holistic healing and talked hours on what power the mind has.  It is the free spirits in us both that allow us to feel comfortable to speak freely without any judgement..

 

Melanie has always giving me tips and constantly reminded me of my inner strength when at times I questioned it. I call her my little guru. She knows what to say to heal the mind and to use my inner self to control the situation. A few days after my second round of Chemo I got a lovely package in the mail. It was full of goodies. Her gifts are thought out, and have much meaning. Love this about my Guru, she know me inside and out. She takes her time with finding the perfect healing measures to keep my spirits up in the way we would share it. I'm so blessed I have her to share this inner side of me with, and I'm glad she feels safe with sharing her inner thoughts with me. She is a true gem.xo

 

Here is my gift from my beautiful Guru. Some prayer beads she made me, as well as some of my favorite things. She bought me this Chakra book in which I'm finding very interesting and feeling the healing within. I just want to mention, this isn't for everyone, and I'm not saying go holistic on my ass and become the next Guru.This isn't for everyone and that's fine. I'm just wanting to share a little about me and my world and what brings me peace. Love you Melly!

 

Evening Snack

 

Raspberries, green or mint tea

 

Aromatherapy for the body, soul and mind

 

Chakra healing

 

 

I

 A women who speaks to us all!

 

Here are two other awesome reads. Kris Carr is such an inspiration and any Kick ass Cancer patient should read her stuff. I felt empowered reading her book, and will continue to support her.
Kitchen Cures should be in your hands. So many great tips, ideas, methods. My big sis Lori got this book for me and I love it!

Well folks, it's time for bed. I have my 3rd round of Chemo tomorrow. Yippy! I will let you all know how that goes before the holidays begin. Also I need to thank a few ladies that came to visit me a couple weekends ago.. Oh, and I also got another little treat in the mail.. I will post in next couple days. Geez, now that  I think about it.. I have a few other things to post..Ok. Night, night.

Much love,

Jules

Quote of the day...

 
 
 



Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation.

- unknown

Day of Biopsy

Walking back into that place was so hard. All I wanted to do was Jump back in the truck with Tim(Husband)  and go straight back home. I was still feeling confident it was going to be nothing, but deep down was getting myself ready for the worst.

The biopsy began, but to my surprise they were also going to biopsy a Lymph Node. Right then and there I started balling. My body was shaking uncontrollably and I was an utter mess. The Technician looked at me and said, "Julie, It is a small lump. You need to stay strong and fight." It was like she already knew what she had seen. I calmed myself down and allowed them to do there job. If anyone is wondering out there, it didn't hurt at all. Some people told me it really hurt, but in my experience I want to let you all know it didn't hurt at all. The only thing that hurt was the "knowing" something is seriously wrong.

Once out of there, I ran to the truck and cried. I didn't stop crying. I drove to my sister Lori's and sobbed in her backyard and she cried with me. It was like we both didn't want to know, but in some sort of weird way we knew it was more serious then what we thought. My sister Lori was a lot more positive then I was. All my beautiful girl friends were just as positive. They thought, its just Julie being paranoid. For those few days before the result came in, I stayed positive like my sisters did, I giggled with my friends saying " I'm just paranoid." But behind the phone, and behind closed doors I knew.

On the August 21st I was so stressed out that I needed to drink a nice bottle of  red. Tim joined me drinking his beer and we sat in the front just talking and watching Mayson and her good friend Eden dress up like zombies. I couldn't help but take some good pics.

 

Then all of a sudden in tears and trying to convince myself that what I know isn't what it is, a beautiful humming bird comes up right beside me to get some nectar off a beautiful flower I planted. It was so beautiful. It not only came back once but it came back three times. I knew it was a good omen. What purpose it was going to have on my life, I was unsure. I just knew through whatever storm I hit, there will be sunshine again. There will be beauty, and there will be life.

 

 

It was literally this close to me. It wasn't afraid. That day, I was grateful for that humming bird. For that evening all my worries went away.