Feelings...

I can say that it still feels surreal. Looking at myself in the mirror everyday, is a huge reminder that "you have cancer girl." When Jody shaved my head I thought the feeling of losing my hair was dealt with. Taking control of what was inevitable was my plan. I was taking action. Sadly, the pain of losing what was left of my hair has put me through a few tears. I keep reminding myself, just because you cry doesn't mean your weak. It means you're human. It means exactly what you wanted it to mean. I'm a women battling cancer. I'm a women with tears of strength, and I'm a women who takes every moment in, feels it, surrenders to it and then, lets it go.

My sister Shelly called me one day and said, " Jules, in your darkest moments, you picked yourself  up off that floor. You took control and moved." I don't go back to those days, for I couldn't even explain the fear that consumed me. I can say this though, I'm not going to let some word "Cancer" define me! Cancer is only a word of fear, and I choose to not let it scare me, I choose to embrace "Julie's Quest" and help someone else find there inner peace.

 

The past couple weeks, I got the pleasure in taking Mackenzie's grad dress shopping. She found the most beautiful dress. We had a beautiful day, and surprisingly I kept the tears in. On a side note....we were both offered jobs at BCBG. Ha Ha.

 

Everyday has been a blessing and I was surprised with the energy I did have on my good days. Sunday we will all set up the tree and enjoy each other..lol..Probably run into a few arguments, but that's our home. A bunch of opinionated ladies..haha.. (As for Tim.... He'll just go grab a Kokanee..)

 

Most of my days before Cancer, I was happy. I laughed lots, and during the days following cancer, I have enjoyed life and laughed more.. If that is even possible?! Like I said before, " I have cancer, cancer doesn't have me... Well, it took my f--king hair..lol.. Do I still have the tears, of course I do. I think tears and giggles are good for the soul. I've never tried to hide the person I am, so I'm not going to start now. I'm grateful today, and I'm lucky to have the amazing family(s) that I do. I'm darn lucky I have my senoritas.

November 25th I go for blood work, and if my blood counts are good, Chemo November 26th. I do still get anxiety knowing I have to put all those meds in my body, but I soon remind myself it's helping me get better. It's my insurance to a healthier, stronger Julie!!

loves to all of you, and keep smiling!