I have Breast Cancer

August 22, 2013 I got the call to come see my Doctor for the results. After hanging up the phone I called my sweet Jody and cried. She cried with me. I told her this, " Jody, if this is breast cancer I need you to be prepared." I needed so badly for Jody to be good if even if it was bad news. I (at that moment) was worried about Jody. I was worried because I already had that feeling, like I said in previous posts, I already knew I was up for a fight.

As I left my driveway that day, I sang over and over again Hurricane by ms mr! I was singing it so loud and hoping when I got to the doctor's office I'd hear good news. You see, I never lost the hope even knowing I was going to hear the worst.
sitting in the doctors office waiting was enough to make me go crazy. As I looked up I saw the door open and I instantly started crying. My doctor looked at me and said, " I don't have good news, Julie." She told me I had breast cancer and was teary eyed telling me. Everything else she told me was a blur. I asked her if I could take the papers and read them myself. She agreed and I was out of there.

Driving home was a bunch of phone calls and tears.. Many tears. I had breast cancer.... 38 years old wondering how could this have happened to me. The only 3 people I didn't really talk to were my beautiful daughters. I wanted to tell them in person. I knew they were waiting for me at home. As I drove up the driveway I looked at myself in the mirror, and took a deep breath. I was still crying as I opened the door to see my girls waiting for me at the table. Once we all made eye contact they knew what I was about to tell them.. All we could do was hold each other tight, and cry....

I had a lot of people visit me the weekend following my diagnosis. I needed my family. I needed to wrap my head around what was about to be my world, but instead I found myself at the bottom of a wine bottle for 2 days straight. I knew I had cancer, but I didn't want to believe it. I felt like I was in a dream. I still want to wake up. You will hear me say that often because it just feels so surreal.